The Envelope
by EllaGillies
Summary: Bella becomes complacent. Edward, misunderstanding, leaves her to a life he believes she wants. Bella fights to find him to explain, but will an unfortunate accident ruin it all? A misunderstanding, an accident, and one great love. I'm horrible at summaries! Rated MA for future lemons, and maybe some cussing. ExB HEA eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Hi, so this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write them too :)**

**Song for this chapter if you would like one: NothingMan - Pearl Jam **

~ Chapter One ~

Edward

I had been here since late afternoon, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, waiting for her to come home from La Push. I sat in silence, staring out the window, watching the sky turn from a warm orange through to soft pink, and then darkening further into to a deep bluish grey hue. As the hours passed, still I sat watching as the sunset receded, and the moon coated everything in a silverly tinge. Finally I shifted and looked down into my lap, feeling the last smoulder of hope inside my chest extinguish completely.

Rising from my seat and moving toward her window, I looked out into the moon drenched garden below, savouring the memories of being in this room that roll one by one through my mind. The air is still, not a breath of wind ruffles the leaves in the trees. The silence in the air feels pressing, ominous. Much like the crisp white envelope I hold in my hand. The small item feels like it weighs a tonne.

I turn slowly, my eyes resting on the unmade bed, the lavender sheets still pushed haphazardly aside from her hurry to get up this morning. The bed smells like us. Her scent mixed with mine after hours spent lying next to each other. My eyes drift further along to her bedside table, the photo of us from her eighteenth birthday sits proudly in its frame next to the dog-eared copy of Wuthering Heights she loves. My eyes turn further still, scanning the chest of draws, the wardrobe, the mirror… the dream catcher…

I feel the cracks in my chest split a little more, feeling the weight of what I am about to do press firmly on my shoulders and into my heart. But it must be done. I move from my spot by the window, stepping around the clothes littering the floor as I make my way towards her bedside table. I pause staring down at the photo of us, at the love of my existence, willing to be back in that moment just for a second. Back in the warmth of her gaze, her chocolate brown eyes shining with love and adoration.

Shifting forward I slowly lower the envelope meant for my beloved. At the soft thunk of the envelope touching down on the table, my stomach drops and despair pours through me. Swallowing the feelings down, I remind myself that this is for the best, this will give her the freedom she so craves. I rest it carefully against the frame, dragging my fingertip softly over the name written on the front.

Standing and turning back towards the window, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and let out a despondent chuff. The flat, black eyes hold no life. My skin is pallid, far more than normal, and sickly looking. Not even the hint of a smile on my lips. I look back to the photo, at the mischievous glint in my eyes and slight grin on my face. I have become a shadow of the man that stood that living room. I can't remember the last time I had smiled. I wonder if she remembers.

Dropping my eyes from the photo, I make my way back to the window. _You can do this. You can do this for her. This is what she wants. You can do this._ I take one last look around the room, willing her to burst through the door, to apologise for being late as she has for the past two months, for her to _look at me_, to _touch me_. Even without Alice's gift, I knew it wouldn't happen. I couldn't remember the last time she had actually seen me.

Turning to the window, the finality of the moment settles over me. My stomach drops, lead lining my belly and the crack in my chest splinters and shatters completely. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold the feeling inside while clutching at my middle and fighting the urge to retch. After a few minutes, I stand, resting against the window sill.

"Goodbye, Bella…" I whisper to the empty room, then pushing myself forward through the window, I drop like a dead weight to the ground.

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**Phew. So, what do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Au**thors Note: **Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write them too :)******

**There's not always going to be a song for each chapter and there's not for this one, sorry!**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Two ~

Bella

I stare into the bonfire, mesmerised by the glowing embers. The remaining wood inside the fire pit smoulders away as it is slowly consumed by the dancing and leaping flames. I jump when fresh logs hit the bottom of the fire pit sending a shower of sparks into the sky, the crackle and hiss that follow seems almost joyous as the flames quickly engulf the newest logs. Shifting my gaze, I follow the acrid smoke billowing up into the sky, the inky black night almost swallowed up in the thick smokes dark grey plume.

I glance at Jacob, my best friend, who is deep in conversation with Sam. Half of hotdog number six hangs precariously from his left hand, and as he flings his hands around explaining something in great detail, I slowly shift my legs away from him in the hopes that I won't end up with sauce and mustard down my jeans.

"Pssst. Jacob." I say, hoping to steal his attention for a minute. He turns on the log next to me and grins "What? You want some more hotdog? Here." Quickly putting my hands up, I scowl at him in disgust, "No! I'm full up, but do you think we could go soon? I'd really like to get home". "Sure, sure" he says with a roll of his eyes, and as he turns back to his conversation with Sam he shoves the remaining half of the hotdog into his month. "Gross" I mumble, turning back away from him.

I huff in irritation, looking down at my iPhone and find there is still no reception. I hold it high up into the air for a few moments, moving it around in different directions trying to get just a smidgen of service so I can message Edward. No such luck. I glare at the No Service signal on my phone, let off a soft curse, and turn back to the fire once again.

The fire reminded me of standing on top of the mountain with Edward and Seth, watching Victoria's remains smoulder away. _It feels like just yesterday. _But no, a blissful, drama free six months had passed since that day. Well, as drama free as it can be having a vampire for a boyfriend and a shapeshifter for a best friend.

Edward wasn't exactly happy about my friendship with Jacob, especially after the 'kissing incident' on the mountain, but he hadn't tried to stop me from seeing him, which made me I adore him even more. Jacob couldn't stand Edward, and was convinced I was in love with him and would "snap out of it" sooner or later. After having a discussion with Edward and Jacob, and explaining to both that Jacob was only a friend and like a little brother to me, I think they both understood and have cooled off. Although being natural enemies, things are always going to be somewhat strained between them. I just wished Edward could get along with Jacob as well as he gets along with Seth.

Smiling at the thought of Edward, I wondered what he was doing right now. _Probably at home waiting for me. _Warmth spread through me and tingles erupted all over my body at the thought of coming home to find my vampire waiting, his tall frame stretched out along my bed. The love I felt for Edward was all encompassing, and the feeling of loving someone so wholly and completely, knowing that you had found the other half of your soul, was something I thought my life would never hold.

Coming out of my Edward day dream, I looked back to the flickering flames of the bonfire, and tuned into the conversations following around me. Jacob was leaning forward now, his elbows resting on his knees telling Sam about the new parts we need for our dirt bikes. Some of the pack members were scattered around, all laid back and soaking in the warmth from the fire. Quil and Embry were both holding their stomachs and groaning after demolishing a huge amount of hotdogs each. Leah was in her usual hostile stance, arms folded over her chest, and glaring at Emily, her sour thoughts clear on her face.

I pulled my jacket tighter around me as the wind whipped along the beach, and look down at my iPhone for what feels like the hundredth time, cringing when I see there was still no reception. I'd been down at La Push all day working on the dirt bikes in Jake's garage. The last month or so had been spent in a similar manner, long days tinkering with parts and learning how to put together the engines, writing down new parts we needed and scavenging through the old junk yard trying to find them. More often than not, I would stay down here for dinner with the pack, at Billy and Jake's, or over at Sue's house before making my way back to Forks, and to my Edward.

Chuckling softly to myself, I think back to the conversation Charlie and I had barely a week ago. He assumed I hadn't caught on to the fact that there was something going on between him and Sue Clearwater, Seth and Leah's Mom. However as he had started meeting me for more and more dinners at their place in La Push, it became pretty obvious what was going on. Watching Charlie's face flush with embarrassment and the constant clearing of his throat as he explained to me he was 'seeing Sue as more than a friend' was worth every moment. I grinned at his discomfort, happy to not be the one on the blushing end for once. I was so relieved and happy for him. After being alone for so long, he deserved someone as amazing as Sue.

My thoughts wandered back to Edward again, though they never strayed far, and a pang of guilt shot through me. This morning in my hurry to get down to La Push, I had promised Edward that I would be home in the afternoon so we could spend some much needed time together, just the two of us. It felt like forever since I'd spent any real time with him. Of course, he was always there when I got home exhausted from my long day, and after my shower he would wrap his arms around me and hum my lullaby until I drifted peacefully off to sleep. But tonight was meant to be different. I missed him. I _craved_ him. I craved the feel of his cool skin beneath my fingertips, the softness of his hair, the feeling of his large hands on my back, the look in his eyes as he lowered his lips to mine… Feeling the familiar burn start deep in my belly, I redirected my thoughts hoping the blush in my cheeks just looked like the heat given off from the fire.

Unfortunately my plans were ruined after trying to start my truck over and over again with no luck. Dead as a doornail. I finally admitted defeat and knowing Edward couldn't come to La Push to pick me up due to the treaty, I accepted Jake's offer to drop me home after a 'quick' dinner of hotdogs by the bonfire. The promise of hot food had been too much for my grumbling belly. Now, several hours later, full and warm, I felt guilty for not being home when I had said I would and for not contacting him to let him know. I looked down at my phone again, swiping into the home screen hoping for that small bar of service. _Nothing_. I knew he would understand, but he had been so distant lately and I just wanted to get home and spend some non sleeping time with him. I frowned, wondering when the last time that actually was...

"...Bella. Beeelllllaaaaa. BELLA!" Jacob yelling my name startled me out of my thoughts, "Sorry, sorry! What was that?" I said quickly, hoping he hadn't been trying to get my attention for too long. "I said I'll take you back to Forks soon, although if you're too tired you can always stay with me if you want. Plenty of room next to me." He said leeringly, wiggling his eyebrows. Sighing, I rolled my eyes at him "The sooner I get home to Edward the better, could we go now?" I asked hopefully. His answering scowl and short, "In a bit" said it all. We weren't leaving any time soon.

_When is he going to accept that he is like my little brother to me? _I mused, shaking my head. I scanned the people surrounding the bonfire, and looked down at my phone once again. 10pm! _Dammit, looks like it's straight to bed for me when I get home. I'll do something nice for Edward tomorrow. Maybe I'll take a day off from La Push? _

As I looked up again, a shudder rolled through me, and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck pricked up. _What is that? __Something's not right_ I thought to myself, glancing around me and down the dark beach in confusion. Just as my breathing started to accelerate, and cold sweat broke out all over me, what felt like a solid punch landed deep in the centre of my chest, creating shock waves over my entire body.

The throbbing got stronger and stronger, ripping through me from heat to toe. I clutched at my chest folding over to foetal position whimpering at the pain. "...Bella! Bella! Are you ok? What's going on?..." I could hear people calling me from far away, but I couldn't respond… the throbbing in my chest consuming my breath. Suddenly, it hit me. _Edward. Edward is in pain, it feels like he's been ripped away from me. Edward, Edward, Edward, something's wrong with Edward, I have to get to Edward. _Just as I struggled to get to my feet, I felt Jake pick me up in his arms. "...I'll get you to the hospital, just hold on Bella, oh god please be ok..." "...I think she's having a heart attack!..." The voices faded in and out around me as if they were at the other end of a tunnel.

I felt Jacob's every footstep jolting through me as he ran back to his house, ripping my chest open even more. The despair and loss running through my system was suffocating. _Loss? Why does it feel like he's gone? He can't have... No, no, no, no! Edward! Please be ok!_

When Jacob's feet finally hit his front porch, he screamed at Sam who was following behind to go and grab his keys from the kitchen, all the while clutching me in his arms. I tried to struggle out of his tight grip but he held me tighter. "What's going on?" he asked, "Are you ok? We're going to the hospital, ok?". "Get off me!" I screamed, "It's Edward! Get off me right now!" I kicked and punched forcing him off me. When he finally released me and backed away, I kneeled down, my forehead resting on the porch.

The blazing fire in my chest had started to recede, and as quickly as it started, it disappeared leaving behind an empty, hollow hole in the centre of my being. The loss I felt was overwhelming and I couldn't understand it. Struggling again, I forced my hand into my pocket pulling out my iPhone. _Reception! Yes! _Selecting Edward's name quickly, I waited for it to connect but instead of the ring I was hoping for, it went straight to voicemail. I tried again, with the same result. Desperately trying to think of what to do now, I stared blankly at my phone, finally pulling up Alice's number.

Hearing the ring I so desperately wanted, I waited for her to answer "Pick up, pick up, PICK UP!" I chanted to the phone. Relief flooded through me as I heard a timid "…Bella…" sounding at the other end. "Alice!" I shouted "What's happening? Is it Edward? I don't understand" I started babbling, crying into the phone. The sob from Alice stopped me, chilling me to the bone. Cold fingers of dread seeping into me from all angles as she started stammering "…Bella… I… I don't know what's happening, I saw him in your room waiting for you, then he just… he put an envelope in your room, then… then he walked to your window… he fell, I saw him falling and he... hit the ground and… he" she trailed off.

Realisation hit me like a freight train as she spoke… the feelings of loss flooding through me… the despair… the feeling of a part of me being ripped away... "Alice" I whispered, pleading with her to tell me it wasn't true. "I'm so sorry, Bella, he's… he's gone... His future has disappeared… I can't see him at all…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Arthurs Note: **Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write them too :)****

**So in my stories, Edward never left Bella after her 18th birthday and Jasper didn't attack Bella. **The wolves killed Laurent but not with Bella in the field. **The newborn attack happened, with Victoria manning the army. The Volturi did not come, so they don't know about Bella. Edward didn't propose. This is 6 months or so after the newborn 'war'. This is my take on Edward leaving and an alternate ending really. Any questions just flick me a PM.**

**Italics without speech marks are the individuals thoughts, italics in speech marks i.e _"Hello"_ are other peoples thoughts Edward is hearing._  
_**

**Song for this chapter if you would like one: When You Were Mine - Taylor Henderson**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Three ~

Edward

I lay face down in the grass where I landed, focusing on the hollow ache rumbling through my chest. _I need to move, I need to get away from here before I lose it and go back up to wait for her. _This sent a fresh wave of pain rolling through my chest, knowing this wasn't an option, I was not the one on her mind any longer. I forced my body to comply and struggled to my knees, trying to pull myself towards the forest.

I could smell her scent all around me, on my clothes, on my skin, and it continued to pour from her still open window. The fresh floral scent curled around me, attempting to draw me back into her room… _You have to let her go, you're only being selfish by staying longer... Come on, Edward. Get up. _

The loud crashing of a wolf running through the undergrowth drew my attention as it rushed in my direction. I shook my head to clear it, attempting to pick up the thoughts of whomever it was coming towards me. "_What was that sound? Did it come from Bella's house? Better shift now so I can go in closer and no one sees me. Nothing like a big bad wolf to scare people away! Haha! Hmm. What's that on the ground? Is that? Wait… Edward?" _

"Edward? Are you ok?" Seth ran towards me, grabbing my arm and helping me to my feet. "I'm fine, I just… I have to get out of here". Seth looked at me in confusion "Get out of here? You mean like, you need to hunt?" _The less he knows, the better. Let him think I need to hunt… _Grimly, I swallowing down the hollow burn in my chest and gazed off into the forest, collecting myself, pushing the pain away and shifting a blank emotionless mask over my face. Letting out a slow breath I looked over at Seth,"Ah, yeah. Yes, I need to hunt. I figured I might as well go while Bella's not home."

"Cool! Mind if I run with you for a bit? I'm doing the rounds tonight, but since we defeated the bad guys it's been pretty boring! I could do with a run! Bella's not home yet? What direction are you hunting in? I wish-" I tuned him out; trying to hold onto the last piece of sanity I had left and started walking to the forest line. _Maybe it's a good thing if he comes with me for a while; it will spare Alice this vision._

I stopped and looked back at Bella's house one last time, wishing that things could be different. Wishing that I could spend eternity with her at my side. Maybe one day I could come back and see how she is. See the smiles and laughter that no longer belong to me. _I wonder how many children they will have_. Another wave of despair rolled through me at the thought, _I need to go now, before I break. _With one last inhale, I turned and sprinted away.

"…and if we have time then we could totally go up over to the… Whoa! Hey, wait! Oh, you wanna race? You're on!" Seth called happily after me, and quickly shifting back into wolf form he was hot on my tail.

We ran and ran and ran. The further we went, the louder and more confused Seth's thoughts became. Finally taking note of my surroundings, I realised I _had _taken Seth further than I had wanted to. We were almost at the banks of the Great Bear Lake, the shimmering water looming in the distance. Stopping abruptly, I turned "I think we need to part ways here, Seth. You should probably go back home before people start to worry about you."

Scrunching up his muzzle and blowing out a hot breath into the cool air, he mumbled in his head that this didn't feel right, that I didn't look right. I chuckled darkly at his thoughts, but waited for him to direct them at me. "_Hey, man. Are you ok? We've been running for hours! We're in Canada! Bella will be missing you. I could wait for you to hunt? Then we can run back together!"_

Wishing it were possible I turned away from him and faced the direction of the lake, sighing. "You go on home, I want to… look around for a while, and hunt. Then I'll go back. Bella will be ok. She… she…It'll be ok" I choked out, rubbing my chest where the burning raged hotter.

Finally taking in the vibes that I wanted to be left alone, Seth took a few steps back _"Well, ok. But only if you're sure?"._ "I'm sure, Seth" looking back at him and attempting a smile, unsure whether I had succeeded or not, I waved a final good bye to my unlikely friend "Take care, Seth." He smiled up at me _"See ya tomorrow, Edward!"_ before he raced off in the direction of Forks. In the direction of my Bella. _No, not your Bella anymore..._

I watched him run until I could no longer see him. My façade crumbling with every step he took. I walked forward slowly toward the lake, and once I reached the shores I fell to my knees, clutching my hair in my hands and let the sorrow overtake me. A gut wrenching sob escaped as I tried to push myself back up, but I only succeeded in stumbling forward into the shallow water. I dragging myself further in without conscious thought, and let the water cover me. I pulled myself further and further out until the water was well over my head. Almost unable to stop moving I carried on deeper and deeper, welcoming the blackness the depths of the lake provided.

I sunk like a stone as I continued out over the lakes bottom, thankful that breathing was not a necessity. Sometime later I tripped on the edge of a small cave-like indent somewhere in the lake and came came to rest where I had landed. My head falling forward, the despair, loss and pain consuming me entirely. It overwhelmed me until no thoughts of anything other could pass through my mind. It pulled at me, _clawed_ at me, sinking me further down into the welcoming blackness that surrounded me.

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**So... :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**We won't be hearing from Edward for another few chapters, but we will find out what he's been up to later. I'm a bit nervous about this chapter so hopefully it goes ok!**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Four ~

Bella

The first thing I registered was the clattering of my phone as it tumbled down the porch steps in front of me. The second, was an extremely warm hand touching my shoulder. I jerked away from the touch, swinging around to look at who had dared to put their hand on me. _Jacob._ I glared at him, watching his lips move as he spoke to me, but taking in nothing. "Take me home" I requested in a low voice.

I watched as his brow furrowed and he started to speak again and immediately cut him off, "Take me HOME" I demanded again. He gaped at me, shocked by my tone "Bella, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Maybe you should stay here, or I can take you-" "NOW!" I bellowed, cutting him off.

I stood abruptly, seething with anger "Get your keys, get in the car, and TAKE ME HOME". Avoiding looking at Jacob's hurt face I turned on my heel, running into the house to grab my bag. After claiming it, I raced back outside towards his rebuilt Rabbit, swiping my iPhone from the ground as I went. Jacob was already in the drivers seat waiting for me with a frown on his face.

The twenty-minute drive back to Forks was spent in tense silence. Clutching my bag that was balanced on my lap, I gaze unseeingly straight ahead, focusing on the breath moving in and out of my chest around the gaping hole. Jacob opened and closed his mouth a several times as if to speak, and I was vaguely aware of him glancing between the road in front of him and me, but I had no interest in talking to him at this stage.

I knew I was being rude and unfair, I could feel the confusion and hurt coming off him in waves, but I had no other option. It was the only way I could hold myself together until I got home. Nothing else mattered until I saw Edward. _Please be there, please be waiting for me! _I chanted as I started to rock back and forth in my seat.

When Jacob pulled up outside my house and turned the engine off, I continued to stare straight ahead. So many different emotions were screaming through me, each battling for dominance, each trying to force their way up and out of my body. I could not let them out, not until I knew for certain.

Slowly I turned my head to look at my house. The porch light was on but the house was dark, still and quiet. Without shifting my focus from the house I reached for the door handle and slowly opened it, letting myself out of the car. I slung my bag onto my back, took a deep breath and stepped forward, just as Jacob leaned across the passenger seat and grabbed the back of my bag.

"Stop, Bella stop. Just wait, ok? Will you tell me what is going on? You're acting really weird and it's freaking me out. Do you want me to call the Cullen's?" he said trying to tug me back into the car. I turned swiftly, forcing his hand from my bag and backed away toward the house. "Leave" I commanded.

"Fine. Fine! But call me, ok? I don't like this. You're acting stranger than your damn bloodsucker!" Jacob growled angrily, but relented, leaning further over to pull the door shut. Starting the car again, he revved the engine and peeled off, leaving a dust cloud in his wake.

After the dust had settled I closed my eyes and inhaled again before turning and making my way towards the house. I slowed my pace, pausing on the porch steps as I noticed the spare key was in the lock, and the door slightly ajar. _Please let that mean that Edward's in __there!_

Pushing the door open, I stepped into the house and carefully shut it behind me. Turning to face the stairway, my heart felt like it was falling out of my chest as I took in the small pixie sitting on the stairs. The ache in my chest blazed hotter, but I refused to let it confirm my worst fears, that Edward _wasn't _here. _Edward is up in my room, on my bed waiting for me. I'm going to go upstairs curl up in his arms and never leave them again. _

A sudden gasp from the living room doorway drew my attention to another vampire in my house, though not the one I hoped for. Jasper was bent over with one hand rubbing his chest, and the other on his knee almost gasping for breath. Sensing my attention was on him, he looked up at me with a desperate look on his face "I can't… I'm sorry I can't. Both of your emotions combined… I'm sorry I have to go" he said. I quickly moved out of his way as he lurched for the door, before swinging it open. As soon as he was over the lip he was gone, the loud bang of the door hitting the wall signalling his departure.

I stood in front of Alice, waiting for her to acknowledge me, say something, but after several minutes of waiting my patience had reached it's limit "Alice? What's going on?" Her head shot up and she glared at me "I don't know what's going on, why don't you tell me!" The venom in her voice shocked me, instantly putting me on the defensive. Before I could respond though, she was up on her feet pacing in the short hallway, almost blurring she paced so fast.

"He has been slowly slipping away. I don't know why, there's been no decision made, but I just know he's been slowly fading from my visions of the future. I noticed it months ago before I left. At first I didn't think anything of it, I didn't want to worry anyone! I did try to talk to him about it but he said there was nothing to be worried about. But then, this morning he spoke to Rosalie and that is when everything changed. He decided he would write you a letter or he would talk to you! I saw you coming home in the afternoon and you would work things out. I saw you kissing again! Then he ripped up the letter up instead of giving it to you and… But… but now? Now I see nothing! Nothing!"

"Bella, I saw him waiting for you! You know I can't see you when you're in La Push, why did you not come home? Rosalie is hunting with Emmett, I don't know what the letter is about, all I know is he left it on your bedside table and then left out the window. But, I can't see his future now! I can still see your future… but Bella, it's not with Edward... you don't have a future together…"

I stared at her in shock. "Slowly slipping away? What does that even mean? I..I… Alice, explain this to me! What do you mean by nothing! We have no future? HOW! Why didn't you tell me sooner!"

She abruptly stopped her pacing and looked at me in disbelief "I've been away on vacation with Jasper for the past two months! I just got back last night, Bella! I haven't been focusing on it! Of course I had visions while I was away, but I didn't think anything of it because they were all exactly the same. Every night, I saw him sitting in your room waiting for you to come home, just like I saw him doing tonight. It wasn't until Jasper and I got home and spoke to Emse... but then I say you two talking... I..."

Pausing she took a deep, unnecessary breath while I stood staring at the floor in disbelief, trying to take in everything she'd said. "Bella" she said in a soft voice, drawing my eyes up to her "Esme said she hasn't heard him speak in weeks, he hasn't touched his piano and she can't remember the last time he smiled... What happened while we were gone?"

"That's not true! He does speak, he does smile! Last night I told him about how far along I was on the dirt bikes that Jake and I are rebuilding! Then he held me and hummed me my lullaby until I fell asleep! This morning I told him I would come home, he agreed! I think? I would have come home but my truck wouldn't start… I… " I tried to think of exactly what he had said and what his response was last night, but I couldn't come up with anything. I even remembered thinking at the time that the smile hadn't reached his eyes.

Alice smiled sadly at me "I think you need to go and read the letter he left for you. It's the only way we are going to get the answers we need right now." I looked up in the direction of my room before addressing Alice one more time. "He's really not here?" Her one word answer rocked me to my core, "No."

The tears I had fought so hard to control started to fall, dripping one by one down my cheeks. I made no attempt to wipe them away. Alice walked through the open door and out onto the porch without a glance in my direction "I'll wait out here for you."

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**... :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it, just this plot :)****  
**

**Sorry this took so long, ****I've ****been trying to think how to word this Authors Note! It was a bit of a mixed reaction there! Thank you for your reviews, it means a lot that you have taken the time to read my wee story.**

**I just wanted to say that in my opinion only, complacency comes in many forms and I'm sure we have all experienced it in one way or another. May it be through getting a new boyfriend, and ignoring your friends or spending very little time with them – always expecting them to be there. Sometimes they are, sometimes they ****aren't****, and sometimes they can be hurt by your actions even though they know you still care about them. It can be discovering your new found freedom a teenager, and putting your family on the back burner – again, always expecting them to be there. And most of the time they are, but life happens. With life comes wisdom.**

**As teenagers, all of your feelings feel like the end of the world. So yes, I guess this could be an overreaction. And of course it has to be dramatic, this is a bit of an angsty type piece and they are moody teenagers! ****J**

**Edward has spent a century in various stages of school life and is bombarded by the thoughts of High School or College girls. He thinks human emotions are fleeting, shallow, (obviously he doesn't think of Bella this way) and he can't understand them as he's from a completely different era. He's from a time that marrying straight away and having a family and providing for them was basically 'the meaning of life', shadowed only by the duty to defend your country in the war. Yes, Edward is a bit insecure, and we know he's always felt unworthy. Some of Bella's actions just seem to reinforce this, and he can't read her thoughts so he has to make up his own opinion on why this is.**

**Bella has never been in a relationship before. She has never seen a working, healthy relationship due to her Mum being flighty and going from one guy to another, and her father is a perpetual loner who barely shows emotions. Her relationship with Edward has been a passionate array of emotions in a short amount of time, and lots of drama, so I guess she is also unsure as she's never been in a relationship with a vampire either. Later in the chapters you'll learn a bit more about how/why Jacob and Bella are such good friends and why she spent/spends so much time with Jacob. Of course she loves Edward, but because Edward seems so sure of himself she just assumes that he knows.**

**Hopefully this explains a bit more? Or it could not make any sense at all! Haha.**

**Please note some of the words used are some very old famous quotes. Hopefully no offence is taken by using these words. Just a short update, we shall here from Edward soon. **

**Without further ado...**

* * *

~ Chapter Five ~

Bella

The staircase leading up to my room felt never ending, and each step I took seemed to echo eerily throughout the silent house. When I finally reached the landing I paused outside my bedroom door and rested my hand against the cool wood. I desperately tried to feel him through the door, to feel our connection, to feel _anything_ other than the void in my chest. My head fell forward onto the door next to my hand with a dull thud, I could feel nothing from within the room and his lack of presence echoed through my entire being.

Mustering up all of my strength I turned the door handle, pushed the door open and stepped into my room. My whole body shook as I took in the empty bed, the empty rocking chair and the open window, the defeat radiating through every pore. _He's not here. He's gone. I've pushed him away without even realising it._

I could see it out of the corner of my eye. It rested against the picture of us on my bedside table, just as Alice had said. Without looking directly at it, I walked into my room and sat down on the edge of my bed until the need to know what was going through his head overcame my fear. I reluctantly reached for the letter and picked it up, staring at my name on the front. I ran my finger back and forth over his elegant script, before finally, taking a deep breath and turning the envelope over. I ran my finger under the seal, breaking it, and pulled out the thick paper…

~o~

_My Dearest Bella,_

_For most of my existence, time has held no meaning for me. And then I met you, and time was then measured in all the moments I could spend with you. After that fateful day in Biology, it took two days for me to realise you meant more to me than any other person, in this life and the last. You were - are - everything I think about, everything I want, and everything I need._

_For most of my existence, I thought for sure I had no soul. And then I met you, and it became impossible to deny it __wasn't __so, as my soul recognised yours._ _When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen. Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is why you miss someone so much when they are not there. Your soul feels their absence._

_You will always be my souls mate, in every sense of the word. I've fallen for your laugh, which is contagious. I've fallen for your smile, which makes me exuberant for no reason at all. I've fallen for our late night talks, when daybreak arrives far too quickly. I've fallen for your words, which make me smile days later. I've fallen for every second I get you spend with you, even if those seconds will always leave me wanting more._

_These past six months with you have been __bitter sweet__, feeling my love for you strengthen, and at the same time feel your soul slip further and further from mine, into the hands of another man. A man you have grown your whole life with, a man who can give you a life that I cannot. A life you deserve, where you will be alive and safe, filled with warmth, sunlight… and children. I wish you a happy life, full of love and joy._

_After seeing you come home day after day shining with happiness and laughter, filled with the kind and tender love this man has showered you with, I find I can no longer deny Jacob's claim that your heart now belongs to him. Seeing your love for him and your almost kisses during your long days together inside his head every time we meet, and then seeing it reflected back in front of me in you, is too much to bear. I can no longer deny the call from your soul to be released from me, for me to give you the freedom it so craves. _

_I release you, Bella. _

_I am not bitter, because though our time together has been fleeting, the memory of all the blissful moments I have spent with you will crowd my mind for the rest of my existence, and I feel deeply grateful to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. _

_Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I have – will – ever have to do. Please forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been. My heart is aching for you as I write this letter, the pain too hard to describe. This is the last time I will write to you, but my heart will continue to bleed for you. I apologise, but I cannot bid you farewell personally, the pain would be too great, so please consider this to be my last farewell._

_I regret nothing._ _Always know that if I could choose again, I would still choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I will always choose you._

_Eternally yours,_

_Edward_

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**... **


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Had to quickly repost as I found a lot of mistakes! Sorry about that!**

**There is a LOT of info in the chapter, and I've done my best to explain as best as I can. If I am missing anything, please let me know, or if you think it doesn't work. More will be explained in later chapters too, but this just to help match some stuff up.**

**The passage Bella speaks below appears in a poem by ****William Shakespeare****. He also said something similar in his ****Venus and Adonis****.**

**Might hear from Edward soon too!**

**Without further ado...**

* * *

~ Chapter Six ~

Bella

_Maybe it's a fly? A splash of paint? No, a shadow. No. It's definitely a mark of some kind. Water stain! Yes, it's definitely a water stain… _I squinted my eyes a bit harder at the spot before giving up on figuring out what it was, and closed my eyes again. I focued only on the feeling my breath move in and out of my body.

I'd startled awake from a nightmare in some early hour of the morning, and had been lying in bed staring at the small stain on the ceiling directly above me ever since. I found that focusing on mundane points helped direct my attention away from the aching void in my chest, and to calm me down after my vivid dreams. Sucking in another deep breath, I looked back up to the ceiling and watched the room get lighter and lighter. Finally as dawn broke, the clouds turned a brilliant orange and the sun spilled over the treetops and into my room.

A surge of hope overwhelmed me as a shower of rainbows suddenly lit up my entire room, bouncing off every surface. "Edward!" I gasped, and shot up out of bed, struggling my way out of the twisted sheets. I looked to the window, and not finding him standing there I looked around the rest of the room, searching for him, willing him to appear.

Still not finding him, my eyes came back to the sunrise, only to catch the crystal window charm hanging from the window frame. I sighed deeply and my heart seemed to stutter to a stop. Despair seeped over me once again, extinguishing any hope I'd had that my vampire had come back to me.

I made my way towards the charm slowly, mesmerised as the rays of the sun glittered off the clear crystals surface. I raised my hand and gently spun the charm, watching the kaleidoscope of colours dance and twirl on every surface of my room. Disheartened, I shifted my gaze out the window to the bright horizon, cursing the sun. Though sunny days in Forks were few and far between, the sun's rays stood as a warning to me, warning me not to hope, as Edward would not be coming home that day. He would never return to me in the sunlight.

I lost myself standing by the window, gazing out at the sun as it rose further into the sky,  
"Like a red morn that ever yet betokened,  
Wreck to the seaman, tempest to the field,  
Sorrow to the shepherds, woe unto the birds,  
Gusts and foul flaws to herdmen and to herds." I murmured before closing my eyes and resting my forehead on the window pane.

Six weeks had passed since Edward left. Six long, excruciating weeks. I missed him to the depths of my soul, and with every fibre of my being. As the weeks slowly passed, the urge that I needed to do something, _anything,_ to find him and bring him back grew stronger and stronger, but as the days went by with no visions from Alice, my agitation and frustration was starting to boil over. The feeling of being almost caged and completely helpless grew steadily each day.

With one last calming breath, I turned to find my phone for my morning ritual of messaging Alice in case there were any changes, but as usual she was one step ahead of me and my iPhone chirped from my nightstand at that precise moment. I moved back over to my bed, picked up my iPhone from the bedside table and burrowed back under the covers, pulling them up over my head. Swiping into the message, I growled with frustration after reading what she had to say.

**Morning! I'm sorry, still nothing. Back from Denali, sun keeping us indoors. See you this afternoon xo - A**

I flung my phone out from beneath the covers, not caring where it landed, and settled further down into my bed. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, frustration and anger battled for dominance. "Damn you, Edward. How are you hiding yourself?" I said as I kicked at the covers, trying to let off a bit of steam.

Sighing, I rolled onto my back and looked at the pattern on the inside of my duvet. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and tried to channel all of my focus on Edward, wherever he may be. _Edward, come back. Please come back. _I tried to force the thoughts towards him, willing him to hear me somehow.

The slamming of Charlie's bedroom door jarred me out of my concentration. I listened to him clump down the stairs to the kitchen for his morning coffee, before chuffing at my own ridiculousness. _As if you could reach him, Bella. He couldn't even read your thoughts when you were here!_ I rolled over and smooshed my face into the pillow, thumping my fist down next to my face.

I had expected my world to stop after reading Edwards letter. I had stumbled down the stairs in search of Alice hoping she had seen something, seen where he had gone, and after realising she had seen nothing at all apart from a deep black; I had expected to fall apart completely. But that hadn't happened.

Instead, along with the loss and longing, frustration and anger take over entirely. I couldn't seem to control it. I was angry at myself, at the situation, at everything. It was completely paralysing, and I couldn't seem to do anything about it, couldn't push it down. Most people see anger as an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling. I don't think it's any of that. It's helpless. It's absence of control.

I had barely left the house since that night, I'd spent the majority of the time pacing in front of my window, analysing every single moment over the last few months, and plotting. I didn't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I wanted to use them, dominate them, but without any idea where to start, I couldn't. The more time that passed the more strung out I felt, and the more the anger dominated _me._

With all the added time to analyse our relationship, I realised so many areas where we were completely out of balance. Of course, it wasn't only my fault, Edward had played a part in that too, but I kept finding more and more occasions that I had expected – no, demanded – Edward to tell me everything and insisted on being treated as an equal, but hadn't extended the same luxury to him.

Not only that, but I had let him think the joy I felt at coming home to him every evening, was a result of spending time with another man. And not just any man, a man who had kissed me against my will. A man who had manipulated his thoughts to make him believe that I had responded to the kiss, I had wanted it, asked for it. Of course he thought that, I had never told him what happened! And to think he had dreamed up "almost kisses"...

Despite his incessant phone calls and Charlie's constant demanding, I hadn't spoken to Jacob since that night in La Push. I knew there was no way I could go back out to there until all of this was sorted with Edward. I knew I was being unfair to him by not giving him a chance to explain, but I hated the feeling that he had manipulated my good intentions and used Edward's gift against him for his own sick pleasure.

A loud knock on my bedroom door jolted me out of my thoughts, "Bella? Are you awake?" Charlie's asked gruffly. "Yes" I replied getting out of bed and opening the door. He stood there staring at me, and I cocked an eyebrow at him in question. "Right" he said and awkwardly cleared his throat "You'll be meeting me at the Black's house for dinner tonight, please. I expect you there by 6pm."

"No." I stated simply. I could see red creeping up Charlie's neck, and the following twitch of his moustache confirmed he was angry with me. "Bella, we agreed months ago that you would make more of an effort to spend time with people _other_ than that boyfriend of yours and his family. This year has been extremely difficult for Jacob, what with losing his sister and all. You were meant to be helping where you could! What happened to those bikes? I thought you had a good thing going working on them down there?"

I narrowed my eyes at Charlie, "I told you, Jacob and I are having a few… _issues_ at the moment. I have no interest in speaking to him until after I've spoken to Edward. I _told you_, Edward is away at the moment. If you had taken a moment, you would have noticed I haven't been spending time with anyone! Have you even listened to me? Why can't you just leave it alone?"

Charlie's face grew redder and redder with each passing word, and he took in a sharp inhale before firing back at me "Don't use that tone with me young lady! I don't care if he's away and you are having problems, you can deal with him when he gets back. For now, you will be sorting out your problem with Jacob. You're eighteen years old, Bella! If you are going to act like a child, then I will treat you like one. You are grounded for the rest of the month, and I am taking your truck keys, and don't think you will be cashing in on the no curfew we agreed on either! I will see you here at 5.45, you will be ready, and you will be coming out to the Black's with me." With a firm nod, he turned around and descended the stairs, not giving me a chance to answer.

I stared after him in shock, my blood boiling. He just would not listen to me, or respect my decisions at all. Almost every morning before he went to work he came upstairs to lecture me about making up with Jacob. He just didn't understand that Jacob had overstepped his bounds and I wasn't prepared to speak to him yet. I knew I couldn't tell Charlie about the kiss he had forced on me or exactly how he was provoking Edward and without that, he just didn't understand.

I slammed the door shut with us much force as I could and stomped back to bed and retreated under the covers once again. I immediately felt guilty for slamming my bedroom door so hard, but once again the anger won out. I could understand where Charlie was coming from, I understood it would be putting a strain on his friendship with Billy, but couldn't he just be a Dad for once? I just wanted him to be on my side.

For as long as I could remember, Jacob had been a huge part of my life. We had grown up together, made mud pies together; I even had my first kiss with him! It had been strange and uncomfortable, but still, it happened. Every summer when I came to visit Charlie, we would be almost inseparable. But as we had grown up, Jacob's feeling towards me had begun to change from platonic to something more. Mine had not.

He had respected my decision, though he wasn't exactly happy about it, especially after I met Edward. That's when everything had started changing. Jacob had always been so happy; always saw the positive side of life. But since everything with Rachel… he slowly started slipping away into almost a completely different person. A dark side in him had come out that I had never seen before.

I hadn't noticed how prevalent that dark side was until now, when I looked back over the last six or so months. There was this… edge to his playful jabs at Edward, again the forced kiss, the constantly trying to convince me that I was in love with him, convince me that I should leave Edward. On top of that I now knew he had manipulated his thoughts into "almost kisses" as Edward had described in his letter… Now I didn't see it as quite so playful. I didn't know this person he had become at all.

What I couldn't understand was how he could manipulate us when he _knew _how happy I was with Edward, when he _knew _that if in some warped version of reality I actually_ had_ started to return his feelings, he would just end up hurting me! He would imprint on someone else and leave me, just like Sam had left Leah. How selfish could he be?

It all started almost nine months ago when Jacob's sister, Rachel, went missing in Seattle. She was attending the University of Washington studying to be a teacher when she disappeared. Everyone got involved in the search and helped in any way they could in finding her, but there had been no hints whatsoever as to what had happened to her. When the pack had returned, Jacob had stayed, and spent two months meticulously scouring every inch of Seattle in search of her. But there was never any trace at all. Jacob returned only when summoned by Sam, just before the newborn war.

It was after the dust had settled, and everyone was throwing the newborns remains into the fire, that we heard the scream. The kind of despairing scream that pierces your brain and makes your blood run cold. We all turned to see Jacob on his knees bent forward sobbing over the parts of a body lying on the ground. It didn't take us long to figure out what had happened. Jacob was bent over Rachel, another victim of Victoria's mindless newborn war. We all made our way towards Jacob to comfort him, but as we reached him his face morphed into a blank mask and he rose from his knees. Without taking his eyes off Rachel, he said "Sam, you know what to do". After phasing quickly, he was gone.

That was the last time we saw Jacob for a long time. He didn't even come back for the small funeral Billy had organised on the Reservation. We had all gathered around the family plot and put a gravestone done in her memory. Billy had even convinced Charlie that he wanted to have a small get together to celebrate her life, but the rest of us knew that as no remains would ever be found, he needed that closure. They all did.

When Jacob returned two or three months later, it was as if nothing had happened. Jacob seemed fine, but I knew better, I knew it was just a front. That's why I agreed with Charlie when he asked me to help both Jacob and Billy get through this tough time. I did everything I could to help, even if it was just giving him my company, helping him with the bikes, or cooking dinners and freezing them for them to heat up later, helping around the house.

Charlie liked the fact that I was spending more time at La Push, and constantly told me how proud he was of me for stepping out of my comfort zone, and spending time away from the Cullen's. Along with his new found pride, Charlie also given me no curfew for the coming school year. That meant I could stay at the house while he was in La Push with Sue, and he wouldn't have to worry about me - as long as I kept him in the loop. To say I was happy about it was an understatement.

Looking back at all these moments, I admit there hadn't been a balance between my time with Jacob and time with Edward. I hadn't even told Edward about the new no curfew bonus, and since we had discussed it on the reservation over dinner with Seth and Sue, there was no way Alice would have seen it either. Sighing internally at my lack communication, I rolled over in bed and tried to change my train of though.

I had tried to get Jacob to open up and talk about what had happened with Rachel, but he just wouldn't talk about it and would just say he was fine. He wanted to move on. We had only spoken once about Rachel being turned into a vampire, and after he almost spat at me "She was no longer related to me the second she was bitten. I'd rather her be dead than be blood sucking filth", that pretty much ensured that it was the last time I would be bringing that particular subject up.

I knew Jacob was probably still in some type of shock, but to hear him speak like that hurt me. I didn't know what my future would hold, but I knew it would be beside Edward no matter what. Not to mention some of the most amazing people I had met in my life were "blood sucking filth." My _boyfriend_, who he clearly had no respect for, was one. I took it on the chin, I knew he was working through some things, but knowing what I know now…

A house shaking bang and heavy thump suddenly echoed through the house out of nowhere, jolting me from my thoughts. I froze in my position in bed, trying to listen out to hear what had caused the noise. A few minutes went by in silence before another loud bang and thump echoed through the house once again, confusing me further. _What the hell is that?_ I thought as I sat up in bed. It sounded like it was coming from the front porch but couldn't be sure.

I looked out the window to my bedroom to see if I could see anything from there but all I saw was the heavy rain clouds that had rolled in and swallowed the sun. It looked like the rain would start pouring down any minute, which meant it was just another normal day in Forks.

I slowly made my way out of bed, and crept towards my bedroom door. I opened it cautiously, looking into the hallway before leaving my room and creeping down the hallway to the stairs, placing my bare feet as silently as I could. The cool air of the house sent goose bumps up my legs and I pulled my jumper closer around my chest while trying to pull my sleep shorts down further to cover my legs.

When the front door came into view as I descended the stairs, I stopped suddenly and stared out the small window in absolute disbelief. I watched Jacob, in wolf form, run up the porch steps and throw his shoulder into my front door with a force that shook the entire house, and then slide down the wood to thump back down onto the porch. I watched him do it one more time, before the anger that had been pulsing through my system finally cracked through and took over entirely.

I flew down the stairs and swung the door open as hard as I could and ran out on the porch, "Jacob Black! What the hell are you doing here! You're not welcome here, GO HOME!" I shouted. Jacob dropped his head and growled in my direction before slinking around the side of the house without taking his eyes off me. Every hair on my body stood on end at the glare Jacob was directing at me.

It started to drizzle with rain as Jacob slowly came back from the side of the house in human form, dressed in cut off jeans, but still with the same cold glare directed at me. I wouldn't let him intimidate me, this was my turf. I pushed my shoulders back and levelled him with my own glare before repeating myself, "What are you doing here, Jacob? And what do you think you're doing out in clear view as a wolf? Are you crazy!?"

"I was on patrol, and I got sick of you ignoring me. You have no right to ignore me!" He seethed, still slowly coming towards me. "No right?" I scoffed, stalking down the porch steps towards him and into the light rain, "You are crazy. I have every right to not want to be around you at the moment, Jacob. I know everything! The fake thoughts and kisses you dreamed up around Edward? How I was 'so in love' with you, everything! How could you?" I seethed back, my blood boiling in my veins. I couldn't believe he was standing in front of me thinking he had every right to be there!

I was just about to fire off another jab at Jacob, when Seth suddenly broke through the trees to the side of my house. "Bella!" he shouted happily, unaware of the tense atmosphere he had just walked in on. "How are you, girl? Haven't seen you in a while, I've missed you! It's nice to see you two talking again, but Jake, next time tell me where you're going okay? You can't just run off like that" He stopped just off to the side of us, and gazed down at my now muddy feet. "You sure you should be out here in this? You're gonna get sick! Edward's gonna kill ya! He inside? Say hi for me, or should I just shout? HI EDWARD!" he bellowed, laughing at himself.

The void in my chest pulsed, pain taking up some of the anger at the thought of my Edward being inside my house. I clutched at me chest, _how does he not know Edward's gone? Surely Jacob told him? _I glanced fleetingly at Seth before looking back towards the ground and quickly replied "We're not talking again, Seth. Jacob was just leaving. And Edward left six weeks ago. We haven't been able to find him".

My heart raged against the thought of not finding Edward, my shoulders slumped forward and the anger left me in a rush. I couldn't deal with this, the ups and downs in my emotions were driving me breaking point. "Wait, haven't been able to find him? Six weeks… wait! He went hunting with me about that time, and we ran all the way to Canada! But you would have seen him since then right?"

My breathing speed up and my heart started pounding, millions of questions fighting to get out all at once "What? Canada? When? Can you remember anything? I've been looking for him for so long! Why haven't you said anything? Where? How do I get to him! Do you think he's still there?" I had to brace my hands on my knees as black spots started taking over my vision, and I tried to slow my breathing. Raising up, I moved towards Seth only be blocked by Jacob as he forced me back by a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, the anger welling back up again "Get off me, Jacob!"

"No! Shut up, Seth! This is none of your business, go away!" He shouted at Seth, grabbing my arm and clutching tightly. Seth moved towards us with a frown on his face, staring intently at the spot that Jacob was holding "What's going on? Edward is missing? Dude, you're hurting her, let her go man" he said placing his hand on Jacob's shoulder.

The rain started to come down harder just as Jacob let go of my arm as he turned to shove Seth. He followed his backward stumble and forced him further back toward the forest again with another hard shove to the chest. Before I could say anything, Jacob started ranting again, "No! He's right where he needs to be! Shut up, Seth! Get out of here NOW! Bella, it's time you snap out of the 'blood sucker lover' phase. I've been as lenient as I can with this, but I've given you enough time. It's time for you to learn your place." He said, walking back towards me to get in my face, he towered over me. "You're coming back to the Reservation now, it's going to be your new home. With me. Pack your things."

I stared at him in utter astonishment; he was delusional if he thought I was going anywhere with him! Swiping some of the pouring rain off my face, I shoved his chest hard with both hands, hoping to force him to back up a bit, but only succeeded in knocking myself off balance and onto my backside in front of him. My fall didn't stop my anger though as it came back full force and I lashed once again "I am not going anywhere with you, Jacob! My place is with Edward, even when he's not here, my place is still with him! Not you, it will _never _be you, Jake! When are you going to get that through your head! I. Am. Edward's!"

Jacob let out a harsh breath, his whole body quivering and vibrating with suppressed anger. With a sudden lurch forward, he reached down towards me and grabbed my upper arm again in the same spot, pulling me up from the ground. I cried out at the pain from his tight hold, my feet scrambled for grip on the ground to try and force myself away from him but it was to no avail, the rain pouring from the sky made the ground slick with mud. I was forced back as Jacob suddenly let go of my arm, and without any warning he swung round and back handed me across the face. Hard.

I landed face down in lawn, the force of the blow radiating through my skull, and blood poured from my mouth onto the wet ground. The pain in my head was excruciating, made ten times worse by my body trying dry retch around the pain and smell of blood. In a small part of my mind I was surprised I hadn't been knocked out from the force of the hit. I turned to look back at Jacob just in time to see him phase and start to launch himself at me, I scrambled back attempting to put some distance in between us and closed my eyes, waiting for the impact.

A loud crash that shook the earth echoed around me, and I opened my eyes to see Seth on top of Jacob, growls ripping from his throat as he fought to keep him underneath him on the ground, and away from me. With one more almost lunge at me, I forced the pain down and got up. I knew I had to run. Alice wouldn't see any of this with me this close to the wolves, and I knew I wouldn't be safe in the house if Jacob were to get free of Seth.

I forced myself to move, staggering away from the house and the fight. As adrenaline kicked in, I picked up the pace, running as fast as I could towards the Cullen's house. Blood was running out of my mouth and down chest, mixing with the torrential rain around me. I could feel the gravel ripping into the souls of my bare feet, but I kept moving. Faster and faster I pushed myself.

_Run!_

_Run!_

_Run!_

_Run!_

_Run, faster Bella! _

_Run!_

I didn't know how long I had been running before I finally reached the outskirts of town, but as the blurring of the town lights slowly faded behind me, I knew I was getting closer; I just had to make it to their driveway. I could feel my body giving up on me, the adrenaline running its course, but I had to make it, I would be safe there.

I forced myself to move faster, before stumbling over something on the road and landing hard once again. The gravel ripped into the skin of my face, hands and knees, leaving them in shreds as I skidded to a stop on the concrete. Blood seemed to be pouring onto the road as I tried to force myself up onto my feet again. My jaw was definitely broken, I could feel it. I forced my need to vomit down and limped forward, pushing myself once again.

I attempted to push my rain and blood soaked hair off my face and over my shoulder with my shredded hands, and desperately tried to look where I was going. A piercing scream echoed through the night, and I instantly recognised it as Alice. I looked up searching around me, she would help me! I was almost safe!

The deep rumbling of a truck speeding down the road distracted me, and I looked up only to be blinded by head lights, just before the edge of the truck slammed into my side. I felt myself being flung from the force of the hit and I crumbled to the ground where I landed. I lay still staring up at the night sky, winded and broken. I choked on the blood bubbling from my mouth as tried to call for Edward, my mind and body both screaming for him. I knew this was the end. I couldn't believe this moment had come, and I would never get to say goodbye.

I felt the life draining away from me as rivulets of blood flowed from my broken body into the rain soaked ground. I could see Edward's in front of me, there was a frown on his gorgeous face and his eyes were closed, deep purple bruises under his long lashes. I raised my hand to caress his face as blackness started to overtake my vision, _I wonder how you say goodbye to someone forever? _As if he had heard me his eyes flashes open, the deep onyx drowning me with their depth, the confusion clear as his eyes moved back and forth between mine. _How lucky am I to have found someone that made saying goodbye so hard_... His eyes widened and his mouth opened as if to speak, but I knew it was time. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes, dropping my hand from his face...

The last thing I heard was Alice screaming my name before I succumbed to the blackness calling me, letting it draw me down into its numbing depths...

* * *

**… ****  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Sorry the update has been so long, I've been in Thailand for the last few weeks. This ones a bit of short one. Will update again early next week.**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Seven ~

Edward

It started in the very centre of the void in my chest. It wasn't constant and I couldn't predict when it would happen, but as hard as I tried to ignore it and slip back into the comforting numbness, it was forcing me back into own head and eating away at my sanity. I tried to push all of my thoughts out of my mind and tried not to figure out whether it was coming from me or from... _Stop! Stop thinking about it! Push it all out of your mind…_

Sometimes it was soft and gentle, just a slight tugging that sent pain rippling through my chest afterwards. Sometimes it was a hard, jolting tug that almost moved me from where I sat; the shockwaves of pain that followed ached for hours. Though, surprisingly, they weren't the worst. The worst were the slow, dragging tugs that pulsed in the water around me, the longing and desperation in every pull was almost unbearable. They were always joined by her soft voice drifting through my head, begging me to come back…

What they all had in common was the direction of the tugs, always pulling me back towards Forks. I was losing my mind I was sure of it; imagining tugs in my chest, hearing her voice… I didn't know exactly how long I had been in the lake for, but I knew it had to have been several weeks. The cool black water, along with the absence of others thoughts, had been soothing at the start and I had never been more thankful that I didn't need to breathe. Aside from the tugging, I was completely undisturbed, the only intrusion being the occasional eel sliding along my skin.

_I wonder what she's doing right now… is she with him? Of course she would be. She's probably thankful I left._ Shaking my head, I tried to push all the thoughts out of my head, but was distracted by a gentle touch, almost a caress, on my cheek. I frowned, keeping my head down and tried to ignore the feeling. The gentle touch came again, but slid over my entire cheek this time before brushing over my eyebrow. The move was one I had felt many times before, and the affection in the touch never failed to stir warmth through my entire body. It was no different now.

_"__I wonder how you say goodbye to someone forever?" _As Bella's soft voice floated through my mind, my eyes flew open, not comprehending what was going on. I was stunned when I saw her eyes staring back at me in the black water, just as clearly as if she was in front of me. The liquid brown I loved so much stared into me, burning right down into my soul. They held such defeated and sadness... My mind was conjuring this up. It had to be.

"_How lucky am I to have found someone that made saying goodbye so hard…" _I gaped at the image, shocked at how far my mind had gone. The heavy words echoed in my head, and I lifted my hand, reaching towards where her face would be to wipe away the sadness, but the closer I came the more the mirage started to waver until the eyes closed and drifted away.

The ache clenched violently in my chest, and I grabbed at it trying to make it stop while at the same time struggling not to take in a lungful of water. I couldn't figure out what that was, _am I really losing my mind? She's either moving on and that was her goodbye to me, or I've completely lost my mind. But how would she have reached me…? No. I'm losing it._

After finally confirming I was projecting what I wanted to see, I forced myself to push everything away and focused only on the black of the lake and the water moving softly across my skin. It worked, for what I imagined was a few days, but I was getting restless. My body seemed to move on its own accord; a twitch of my mouth, a shaking leg, a tapping finger, sudden jolts down my spine. I couldn't sit still.

_I'm going to have to move and risk Alice seeing me, _I decided when my restlessness reached an all time high. Just as I stood up, a solid force hit me square in the chest sending me skidding along the bottom of the lake and violent vibrations through the water. I lay where I'd landed on my back and looked around the blackness attempting to see where the blow had come from, but there was nothing there.

Confused, I lay there for several minutes more feeling the vibrations in the water slowly start to calm around me. Shaking my head hard I moved to sit up, but stopped as closed pair of eyes appeared before me in the black water. They were scrunched tight, as if the owner was in pain. Everything slowed as I stared at them intently, wondering what the hell was going on and why I could see her eyes once again.

As I went to reach toward the eyes, they suddenly flew open and burned into my own. The eyes irises were a vivid red against the pale skin and blackness of the lake. Shock slammed into me, and I gasped in a large lungful of water before I could stop myself. Just as quickly as they had appeared, they were gone again.

I desperately tried to cough the water back up but was finally forced to struggle up, plant my feet on the sandy bottom and use all my remaining strength to propel myself towards the surface of the water. When I finally broke through, I coughed violently trying to expel the liquid from my lungs as I swam to the edge of the lake. Once I reached it, I dragged myself up onto the bank and flopped down onto my back. _What was that…? I have no idea what just happened?_

I lay there for hours, contemplating what I'd just seen and tried to take it all in. The only explanation I could come up with was that I had been underwater for so long, it had been weeks since I'd last fed, and my mind was warping the lines of reality and fantasy. Unless… _No. No way. There is no way I'm even going there._

I sat up and looked around, for as far as eye could see dense forest surrounded me. I could hear nothing; there were no thoughts for miles. _It won't stay that way for long_. Sighing, I figured I should probably do something about that. I decided to write in the sand beside me to Alice, 'I'm not ready. Please don't find me. Take care of Bella.' hoping she would see the decision and leave me be.

With that done, I stood and walked into the woods, deciding the first thing I needed to do was hunt. After slowing running a few miles, I caught the scent of a few elk nearby and took off in that direction. I quickly caught up to them and tackled the largest to the ground, snapping his neck as I sunk my teeth into his hot flesh. I groaned as the hot liquid washed over my tongue and down my throat. It had been so long since I'd hunted.

After draining several more elk, I disposed of the carcasses and I wondered what to do now. I rubbed my chest over the ache, I knew what I wanted to do, but that was out of the question. Instead I turned away from the direction of Forks, and started walking. I took my time; I had nowhere to be.

I continued to rub my chest as I walked, waiting for the tugging to start up again, but it never did. I walked for hours before I came to the bottom of a mountain range. I paused and looked around me; I honestly had no idea where I was but decided I didn't exactly care so started walking up the incline. I walked for several more hours, following the ridges and curves of the mountain until I was almost at the crest. Glancing around, I caught sight of what looked to be a shelf cutting into the cliff-face, and decided it was as good a place as any to stop.

I made for the cleft, and once I reached it sunk down, resting my back against the rock face. I stared out at the land below, I had climbed a lot higher than I had thought, but it made no difference. I look a deep breath, tasting the air around me, but picked up nothing, I was completely alone. _As I should be._

I knew what Alice would be telling me if she were here. She would say that I had made my decision and I should live with that choice and try to carry on. But I couldn't. Maybe with time I could, after a few years when I had seen her happy and surrounded by children. Maybe then I could try to carry on with our version of life. But I knew I could make no promises, and until then I could not return to my family as my pain would only hurt them.

The crisp wind blew around me, pulling on my still damp clothing, but I paid it no mind. I just continued to stare out at the forest below, scanning the horizon every so often. And I waited. What I was waiting for I didn't know, all I knew was that for now, here I would stay.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Wow, some Guests have some really harsh reviews and seriously made me consider not carrying on with the story. Just putting it out there - if the reviews are directed towards me personally, I'm gonna have to delete them (and I have). For the record, I'm not British, (there is NOTHING wrong with being British, lots of good things are British; accents, Hobnobs, high tea, uhhh R-Patz *drool*… just to name a few haha) and I apologise if some of the terms or slang I use pulls you out of the story. I will definitely try harder. I'm a New Zealander and I live in Australia so the way I speak (write?) is definitely a bit of a mixture. If it really is a massive issue, please PM me I'd be more happy to change thing over. I'm not out to offend anyone or p*ss anyone off so yeah.**

**To everyone else who has reviewed, whether they are critical or not, I thank you very much. It's always nice to be able to work out the issues with your story and hear when you've done something well or you feel part of the story. Huge thanks to you :)**

**Alright. *sigh* not feeling good about posting this one, I've poured over every bit of it, procrastinated, changed my mind, changed it again, and again...and then again… but after all that let's get back to see what's gone on in Forks. **

***drops mic***

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~ Chapter Eight ~

Alice

_Black. Black. Black. Jolting away from something slithering along his arm. Wait, slithering? What? Where the hell are you, Edward?! _I growled in frustration; _this is crazy! Stop hiding! _I threw my head back onto the couch and rubbed the heel of my palms over my eyes a few times, then let them drop heavily to the couch beside me.

A soft touch on my forearm brought me out of my grumbling and I cracked an eye open slightly to see Esme sitting on the couch next to me, one leg pulled up, leaning in towards me. The combination of worry and sadness on her face pulled at my heart. "Did you see anything, dear? Is he ok?"

I blew out a breath and glanced at her before turning away to look out our living room window. There was no way I could stand seeing the disappointment on her face once again, when I gave her the same answer as every other day. "No. Nothing new, just the same blackness. He definitely knows how to throw me for a loop, that's for sure."

_Stubborn ass, _I added to myself. A flash of Esme deciding whether or not to ask me about Bella flitted through my head, and I immediately spoke before she could ask. "Nothing new with Bella either, I still don't see a future where they are together at the moment. Bella's future looks miserable." "Oh, Alice" Esme sighed softly, rubbing my arm again.

I kept my gaze still fixed on the forest out the window trying to ignore her comforting hand. "I messaged her this morning and told her that we're home and will visit once it clouds over this afternoon; there's a storm coming too. We should take some more meals over for her to freeze so Charlie eases up a bit. He grounded her this morning and took her truck keys away until she speaks to Jacob."

"Oh. Well I'll get started on that now. I'm sure we should have something new soon. You're doing well dear; please don't push yourself too hard." She patted my arm once more before rising from the couch. "Not well enough" I mumbled, flicking my eyes to her retreating form.

A brief flash of Jasper walking out of the forest with Carlisle passed through my head, and I turned back to the window to catch it. Butterflies flittered through my stomach at the sight of my husband strolling out of the forest; his hair was windswept from running, a lazy smile on his face, and freshly fed eyes swirled in bright gold. A small smile stole across my lips, _my husband is gorgeous. _Sensing my mood, he looked in my direction and his lips slowly turned up into the grin that was just for me. A shiver rippled down my spine in response.

Carlisle climbed the porch steps first with Jasper following close behind, and after kicking off their muddy shoes they opened the door into the lounge. Carlisle headed straight for me with a worried look on his face and I dropped my eyes to the floor as my heart sunk just as quickly in my chest. I hated disappointing everyone with my lack of visions. I knew it wasn't my fault, but I couldn't help but feel partly responsible for not having more control over my visions. _Maybe if I could just focus a bit more…_

A soft growl and a heavy arm sliding over my shoulder pulled me from my thoughts and I looked over to see Jasper sliding onto the couch next to me. "You have nothing to feel badly about, darlin'. This isn't your fault; this is all on Edward. Now, before you tell us anythin', just relax a bit. Whatever will be, will be; with or with you seein' it."

I took a slow deep breath of his forest tinged scent and tipped my head, resting my forehead against his, and gazed into his eyes. "Thank you" I murmured softly.

Time slipped away as we sat there, breathing each other in and connecting. It felt like forever since we'd been focused only on each other. When I finally drew away, Carlisle was gone and the sky had clouded over. I briefly scanned the future to check in, finding that Esme would be covering the last meal to put in the fridge while Carlisle hovered over her. Rose and Emmet would still be tinkering in the garage, Edward would still be in the black nothing and I couldn't see Bella.

I stood up, reaching for Jasper's hand to pull him in the direction of the kitchen when what I'd seen registered. Stopping abruptly, I scanned back through to Bella and still couldn't see anything. _That means she's with the wolves…_

"What is it, darlin'?" I looked down at Jasper; the confused look on his face matching my own. "I just checked Bella's future, and it's blank. That means she must be with the wolves. Do you think she's forgiven them? Should go over there and check on her?"

My question pulled Carlisle and Esme from the kitchen, and I heard Rosalie and Emmett moving towards us from the garage. "The last time we spoke she wanted nothing to do with them, so I can't understand why they would be there. I didn't see her go to them? I would have seen that! Carlisle? Should we go?"

"No. I think we should hold off for now. I don't think Bella will be in any danger, but I do think you should have your phone on you in case she does need to get hold of us. I suspect Jacob will be making another attempt to speak to her to explain his involvement in this situation."

Before I could go in search, Jasper was gone and back to my side with my iPhone held out to me. I quickly scanned the phone, "She hasn't messaged. We should wait for a while, I'll keep checking until I can see her again." "Let's sit back down, darlin'."

Seated once again on the couch, I closed my eyes and blocked everyone out, focusing only on seeing Bella. The tension was thick in the room around us, the only sound was the soft splat of the rain as it hit the windows.

A flash of Bella scared, bloody, and running down the street flicked though my head, sending me launching off the couch and to my feet. "Shit!" I screeched clutching my hair and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to focus on the vision. It was gone again before I could determine much at all.

"I saw something! But I don't know if it's now or… it was too quick! I saw Bella running, she was scared. She had blood on her face? I don't… it was so fast, just a quick flash." I felt a hand rubbing soothing circles into my back and a wave of calm wash over me. "It's ok darlin'. Just take a breath and then we can figure this out."

"We need to get to Bella's now!" Emmett boomed, pushing his way towards the door. Just as he swung it open, visions of Bella flooded my brain almost blinding me. I screamed in pain at the pressure as flash after flash of Bella flicked through my head; running, a broken jaw, tripping on the road and skidding along the concrete, running through town, towards our house!

My eyes flew open; everyone was staring at me with horrified expressions on their face, all at a loss as to what was happening. I locked eyes with Carlisle's, and an odd sense of calm that had nothing to do with Jasper flooded through me. "She's running from something, running from her house and she's badly hurt. Her jaw is broken, but it's about to get worse. I can't see her surviving, her future... Carlisle, you need to make a decision."

An anguished wail came from Esme as she sunk to the floor and I briefly saw Rosalie moving to comfort her. I held Carlisle's gaze, watching as they widened and filled with horror as my words registered. Jasper grunted, lurched forward and stumbled away, clutching his stomach "I can't take this…please. Shit"

"Carlisle, please!" At Esme's plea, Carlisle broke eye contact with me, shifting his gaze down to his wife. "I don't… Edward…" he stuttered, searching each of our faces for an answer. "Edward isn't here." I replied stoically. He finally held my gaze once again, but he was still undecided. I stared back calmly, watching the result of each of his decisions flick past, but gave no outward response. I was forcing him to make the decision that should have made a long time ago.

Finally, his expression morphed into one of determination and a vision of Bella instantly flooded my mind; she was standing in the forest with us, her eyes a brilliant red. As the vision passed, I couldn't help but notice Edward wasn't with us. I shook my head at the thought; it must have been a mistake. I tried focus on it further, but was pulled back into the room by Carlisle turning towards the door and announcing "Let's go help our daughter." Without another thought, I was out the door with the rest of the family hot on my heels.

As I stepped off the porch, I was hit with another flash that brought me skidding to my knees on the wet driveway, watching in horror as Bella's future as a newborn to slowly start to drain away, blurring into an empty void. The rain poured down as I lifted my head to the sky and shouted her name in terror. Carlisle leaned down and touched my shoulder, "Alice…?" "Truck… there's a truck! We're not going to make it! No! This isn't happening. Oh god!" Shaking off his hand and stumbling to my feet, I took off in the direction I had last seen her in my vision.

I smelt the blood before I saw her. The scent of it so thick in the air I had to stop breathing, though with the images flooding my mind it held no appeal to me. I'd seen it in my mind, but as she came into view the scene before me made me sick to my stomach; the momentum of the truck has forced her just inside the edge of the forest where she has landed in a crumbled heap. One side of her body was crumpled, her back and legs were clearly broken and her pelvis was off to a sick angle. And the blood, it was everywhere… Despite the carnage, it was her face that made me stop in my tracks.

Her face was littered with blood and gravel burn, her jaw broken, but her eyes… they eyes were open and crinkled at the corners as if she was smiling. She was completely focused on something just in front of her. My urgency returned when after a few seconds her eyes slid closed, and she released a final breath; her body slumping further into the ground.

I dropped the few remaining steps to her side and grabbed her hand, "Bella! Bella stay with us! I need you to fight now! You were not brought into our lives for you to die!" I turned her hand and sunk my teeth into her wrist, forcing as much venom into her blood stream say as I possibly could. Carlisle knelt at her left side, one hand pressing on her chest, forcing her heart to keep beating, his mouth latched to her neck pumping venom into her system. He finally pulled his head up, licking the wound closed and looked at me "Keep going, Alice."

I quickly checked the future to see if anyone would come past and see us, but all was clear. The storm was getting worse and people had hurried home to batten down the hatches. I picked up her other wrist and repeated the process, before moving on to her ankles, knees, and the crease of her arms. Once finished, I looked down at her wrecked body, "I don't know if this is going to work, I still can't see her future!"

"Try not to worry about that yet; let's just get her home for a start. Emmett, hold her head and shoulders. Alice try and hold her legs… be as gentle as you can. I need to keep her heart beating long enough for the venom to start taking hold. She's lost so much blood, too much blood..."

We gingerly picked her up off the ground, and walked deeper into the forest, before slowly making our way to the house. Each step was slow and measured to avoid even the slightest jolt. After finally reaching the house we moved to Carlisle's research room, resting her gently on the hospital bed that was already still set up from her last fall. We all stood looking down on her, watching Carlisle pressing continually on her chest. Esme's sob broke the silence in the room "What have we done? Our poor Bella!" Emmett moved up next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "We are doing what we can to fix it, Bella is a strong, she's a fighter. She can do it. Have you seen anything, Alice?"

I continued to stare down at Bella and didn't respond; there was nothing I could say. After a time, I walked away and started to gather the things we would need to clean Bella up a bit. "Rosalie, can you fill some buckets with some warm water? Esme, we need towels, lots of towels." After sending them off on their own errands, I raced upstairs to Edward's room and pulled a blue sundresses that was hanging in his closet out. I had brought it for Bella on one of my many Bella inspired shopping trips, but she had never worn it.

After gathering the items we needed, we all returned to Bella's side. Apart from Carlisle working her chest up and down, she was completely still and silent, her lips tinged blue. Not even a small ounce of life remained. I moved closer, running my finger gently down her cheek, trying to see into her future again. There was nothing there. I couldn't tell if we were preparing her for a funeral or for her new life with us.

Sucking in a deep breath, I ordered Jasper and Emmett out of the room before moving towards Bella with the scissors. I gently started to cut the sleep shorts off her bent, warped legs, and slowly worked my way through her top, pulling the fabric away from her body. After it was gone, I slowly dipped a cloth into one of the buckets and started at her feet, gently wiping away the dirt, blood and grime, and repositioning her legs as I went. I looked up to see Esme cleaning her arms and hands, while Rosalie was pulling all the debris from her hair. _Please, Bella. Please fight. _I chanted to her as we worked away.

After finishing repositioning her hips, and wiping what I could from her stomach, I moved up with Rosalie to focus on her hair. We worked for hours, pulling all the dead leaves and debris gently out before washing it several times. "Should we dry it off?" Rosalie asked quietly. I looked up at Carlisle who was still trying to keep Bella's heart beating. He was shaking his head and mumbling to himself, completely focused on Bella.

"Yeah, I think we should. Let's make it look nice." Rosalie raced away to retrieve the hair dryer and curling iron, while I finished cleaning off her face and chest, avoiding Carlisle's hands. Once she returned, we set to work on Bella's hair, creating long, loose, shiny curls.

When we were finally done, I turned to Carlisle, sliding my hand over both of his on her chest, "You need to stop. Nothing has changed in her future, and if this was going to work, it will have already. You've done everything you can. It's up to her now." Carlisle looked up at me, the desperation clear on his face as he shook his head at me. "Please, I think if I just continue like this it will work. It has to work. Edward will come back and we will all be a family again".

"No, Carlisle. It's time to let go." With a gasping sob, he finally pulled his hands away from Bella's chest and slumped down to the floor. Esme was at his side before his knees hit the ground, holding his head to her chest and burying her own into his neck. The gasping sobs were heartbreaking and I was so close to losing it myself, but I knew I needed to keep it together for Bella's sake. I needed to be strong for my family.

Moving closer, I grasped Bella's limp hand in my own and pulled it up to my chest, "Bella. Please, you need to fight. We need you, and we love you so much. Please keep your heart beating." I placed a kiss on her forehead before sitting down beside the bed on the floor as well, clutching her hand in mine. I heard Jasper and Emmett re-enter the room and felt Jasper sit down behind me, before he wrapped me up in his arms.

I let out a shuddering sob at the comfort, "There's no change, no future. Oh god, Jasper! We're going to lose her!" "Shhhh, darlin'. It's ok. Nothing's set in stone as yet, as long as her heart keeps beatin', she'll be fine. Listen to her heart, focus on that."

Gasping, I clutched Bella's hand tighter as the sound registered. He was right, it was quiet and so weak, but it was there. The room was eerily silent as we sat together, waiting, listening as each slow beat of her heart echoed around the room…

...

_Thump…_

_…_

_Thump…_

_…_

_Thump…_

_…_

_Thump…_

_…__.._

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	9. Chapter 9

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Thanks everyone for your reviews :) I'm choosing to ignore the guest ones now. Seriously? If you don't like it, don't read it! Simple! I am not a professional writer. I'm not trying to be! I'm just having fun and mucking around! I hope you'll join me for the ride, but if you're gonna flame it, welll... **flips the bird****

**One had a good point though (among the insults to my mental state and Bella's), why didn't Alice see Edward seeing Bella's eyes in the water or moving a bit when he saw the flashes? Well, that's because she was/is completely focused on Bella and the horror scene in front of her, annnnd we're not up to some of that part yet either. And that's all I have to say about that.**

**Anyhoot, thank you for the rest of your reviews and your support, warm fuzzies! :)) I really appreciate it, I love you all. I am so sorry for taking so long. I've just moved cities (and state in Australia) for work and it was hard to find time in between packing and shipping and flying and all that. But I'm settled now. My update schedule ****_should_**** be every Tuesday, but it's more like every second Tuesday to be honest. At the moment it's non-existent, but now I'm settled it should be ramping back up.**

**WARNING: There might be a weeee bit of character death in this one? Not graphic, or explained too heavily, but needed. If you hate it, let me know. I am sorry and I'm sad to see this character go :(**

****P.S – How awesome was Rob's ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? LOL! Friggin' hilarious! And the beard more recently? Where is my fainting chair! Droooool.****

***drops mic, runs off stage***

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~ Chapter Nine ~

Alice

Exactly two days gone by. Forty eight hours. Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty minutes. One hundred and seventy-two thousand, eight hundred seconds.

I'd never paid much attention to current time; being clairvoyant I didn't have much need to wait to find out what was going to happen, I could just look forward and see the outcome. I always knew what was coming, I was never surprised, and I could usually manipulate situations so the best outcome always occurred. But this… this was torture. I couldn't remember a time when I'd felt so unsure, so helpless. I finally realised how everyone else must feel, without my gift to guide me, I was completely at the mercy of fate and the unknown. It was a horrifying feeling.

We sat completely still, our positions unchanged, Carlisle and Esme wrapped around each other on the floor on one side of Bella and Emmett leaning back against the window with Rosalie cradled between his legs. I sat on the floor opposite Carlisle and Esme, still clutching Bella's hand, with Jasper wrapped around behind me. The mood was sombre as we focused completely on Bella. She remained as she was, still and silent.

I'd been manicly checking the future since I'd noticed the missing factors in my visions, I checked in with everyone in a constant cycle, but no matter how many times I checked, nothing changed. I could see us hunting in groups and in pairs as the weeks would pass, I could see Esme redesigning the garden, Rosalie buying a new car to restore… simple, insignificant things that would make up our day-to-day lives. But as comforting as it was that at least _some_ of my visions were still working, it wasn't their future I so desperate wanted to see, and no matter how hard I tried to force it, one thing remained constant in every vision.

None of them included Bella. Or Edward. And I couldn't figure out what exactly what that meant, or how to change it. And it was slowly driving me insane.

With Edward it was different, at least I could feel him; he was physically there in the vision and I could see he would stay in the blackness for the foreseeable future. But with Bella, it made no sense at all. It was almost as if she didn't exist, she had no future. I knew the venom was working though, I could smell it, hear it, and see it. The sickening crack and pop of her bones melding back together made us all cringe. Her hair had held the long loose curls, and had glossed over into a deep chocolate-brown that shone as if caught in beam of sunlight. The gravel burn and cuts all over her body had morphed into smooth porcelain, not a blemish or scar remained. She was stunning. But the fact remained, when I checked in on her future, there was nothing to see…

Cutting off my musing before I freaked myself out again, I started the cycle of checking everyone's future and waited for the visions to flood my mind… and waited a bit longer. My head snapped up as I cast my eyes around the room. Everyone was still there, but nothing was coming through! _Blank! Fuzzy! What? NO! _I clutched Bella's hand tighter and swung round to Jasper as panic flooded through me, "I'm not getting anyone's future! There's nothing there! It's affecting everyone now, not just Bella! Do you think my gift is disappearing? What am I doing wrong?!" Gasping sobs took over as Jasper tried to calm me, "Shhhh darlin'. It's ok. The stress might be-"

Jasper abruptly cut off as the stench of wet dog filled the air "It's not you darlin', seems the dogs have arrived." Relief flooded my system as I realised it was the dogs that had caused my visions to disappear... in this case. My relief was short-lived as I took in the frantic murmurings around the room about why the dogs were here, and anxiety slowly worked it's way back through my system.

My eyes snapped to Carlisle, who had already risen from the floor and was ready for action "Esme and Rose, please stay with Bella." His voice shook slightly as he locked eyes with me. "Alice, Jasper, Emmet, let's go and meet the tribe. No sense in waiting any longer, they know we can hear them coming."

Taking one final look at Bella's still and silent form, I followed the others out onto the front porch. We waited in silence, watching for the wolves to appear and as if on cue, Sam, Quil, Embry and Paul appeared around the bend, all in human form.

I gasped in shock as I took in their appearance; they looked terrible! Their eyes were bloodshot and swollen; and an air of sadness surrounded them. I looked over at Jasper to see what he was picking up, and he looked extremely confused. He quickly whispered to us, too fast for the wolves to hear, "There is so much sadness and pain… grief… I don't understand it. They're grieving. They must know about Bella already..."

Carlisle hummed his agreement and briefly made eye contact with all of us before stepping off the porch towards the foursome. "Carlisle, I guess you know why we are here." Sam said in a dead voice. "Yes, I believe we do." Carlisle replied.

"Alright, I'll cut to it then. The funeral will be held in two days time, you may not feel comfortable coming, but I know Edward was close to Seth so we wanted to extend the invitation for your family to attend. There will be no issues or breach of the treaty if you decide to attend." A shocked gasp ran through us, we all looked at each other in confusion before focusing back on Sam.

"We still haven't been able to track down the blood suc- uh, sorry- _vampires _that did this, but we will. We won't stop until justice is brought to those responsible. But we were wondering if we could speak to Bella? We were hoping we could ask her some more information about what went on. Jake… well, Jake's gone slightly AWAL, he needs some… _time_. We know that Bella ran to protect herself while Jake and Seth held the other leach- sorry, _vampires _back, but there was such heavy rain we're struggling to track her scent, along with the other vampires. We did catch the strong scent of Bella down the road from here though, and what smelt like a lot of blood… We would like to speak to her if it's ok. I'm sure she's still shaken up."

Shock and devastation ran through me at Sam's words. _Was that what Bella was running from? Vampires? Were Seth and Jacob trying to protect her? Or…? Oh god, this was far worse than we thought! _

We all stood in silence, staring at Sam, completely floored by what he had said. We were so caught up with Bella, caught up making sure she survived that we had completely forgotten the circumstances surrounding how she came to us. How could we be so stupid!

Carlisle regained his composure first, and stepped towards Sam and placing a hand on his shoulder, "Perhaps should come inside so we can discuss this further. It appears we are in the dark about what has gone on here, and we have some news that may change things."

Sam paused, staring up at Carlisle, before clearing his throat and agreeing. We all moved slowly into the house, and settled in the living room. Sam was comfortable sitting, but I could tell the others didn't trust us enough to let their guard down. Paul stood behind Sam, who sat on the edge of the love seat, while Quil and Embry stood closer to the door. Sadness and confusion was thick in the air.

"So, you had better start from the beginning Sam." Carlisle said. Sam took a deep breath in and paused, the pain visible on his face. He finally let it out in one big rush before beginning.

"We have always taken turns at patrolling, and always in pairs. Two days ago, it was Jake and Seth's turn. The rest of us all met at Leah's house later in the afternoon to check in and for the next pair to take over patrol once Jake and Seth returned. It was almost evening when we saw Jake come out of the forest. He was carrying Seth in his arms. He was completely covered in blood, his face and chest smashed up almost beyond recognition. Jake was… he…" Sam stopped to take a deep breath before continuing.

"We all rushed to them, to help... but Seth was gone. Long gone. Most of what happened after that is a blur… but we sat down with Jacob later than night, asked him what happened. He said they had been close to the treaty line when they smelt unfamiliar vampires, they were tracking towards what he thought was Bella's house. They followed the scent and came across Bella pinned to the ground by one of the vampires; the other was positioned to bite her wrist. They attached them and knocked them off her, and Jake told Bella to run to your house while they held the vampires off. He said it all happened so quickly, one minute there were only two vampires and the next minute a third had appeared and pinned Seth down and… well… I guess you can guess what happened then. Jacob fought for a long time; he suffered several broken ribs and a broken leg. He said once he couldn't fight back they chased after Bella. He dragged himself and Seth into the forest and shifted back into human form so he could heal. Once he healed enough to walk, he picked Seth up and started walking back to the reservation. He knew you would come for Bella after she was out of his range and you could see her, so he didn't follow after her…"

The shock from Sam's words was intense. Bella had been through so much already, but to be attacked by other vampires? Again? It was just too much. What had we done to her life? She must hate us! And now she was changing into what she would now despise… it was incomprehensible.

Carlisle cleared his throat, clearly as affected as all of us by what had really happened. "I would like to extend my deepest condolences to all of you Sam, and the Clearwater family. We will be in touch with Leah and Sue. Please, if there is anything at all we can do… I would like to discuss it further with my family, but we would be honoured to attend Seth's funeral. I'm sure if Edward were here, he would feel equally as privileged. They did share a special bond."

"So, Edward hasn't returned?" Sam asked. "No, no he hasn't and at this stage we are unable to contact him…" Carlisle's took a deep breath before continuing. "We need to discuss Bella however. I'm not sure how to say this except to start from the beginning and try to explain… Several days ago, Bella disappeared from Alice's visions, and we assumed Jacob had turned up to speak to Bella. We now know that happened during that missing section of time. The next vision Alice had was of an extensively injured Bella running through the rain in the direction of our house. We, of course, took action and ran to met her, however we were unsure if we would make it in time for her to survive…"

A gasp from all four wolves rippled through the room and Sam clutched at his chest in horror, "Please tell me… the blood down the road…" Sam stuttered. Carlisle sucked in another deep breath before continuing, "As we made our way towards Bella, Alice saw another vision, however this one was… She was clipped by a truck as she ran down the road, and the impact flung her into the forest, which is where you have picked up her scent and smell of blood. Her injuries were fatal, and she died at the scene. I kept her heart beating with chest compressions while the venom took hold… Bella is in the process of changing into a vampire. She will wake within the next 24 hours."

Sam dropped his head at Carlisle's declaration, and silence descended on the room. It was thick and oppressive. After several long minutes Sam raised his head, his eyes blazing with anger, but still not a word was said. As time passed the anger in Sam's eyes started to recede, until only a deep sadness remained. Finally, he slumped down in his chair, and turned his gaze out the window.

"Given the circumstances, I can hardly blame you for your reaction, and for keeping her alive the only was you could. I don't condone the actions you have taken, but…" Sam stopped mid sentence. He appeared to have aged a decade in the small amount of time we had sat in the room.

Carlisle, clearing his throat, and once again spoke for all of us, "We will do everything we can to help you track down these vampires; visiting Bella's house will be beneficial to see if we can pick up the scent. We would also like a chance to speak to Jacob if it's possible, to gain any further information that could help us determine who these vampires are. At this stage we are unsure how to proceed with the Charlie issue, we haven't discussed it as yet, we were more concerned with Bella-"

"Charlie. Knowing all the facts now, I don't think… Charlie believed Bella had run away to find Edward. He's been down at the reservation supporting Sue. I don't know if you knew but Sue and Charlie have been dating for some time now. Anyway, yesterday morning a man came into the station and spoke to Deputy Steve, he told him he was sure he hit someone or something coming into town the night before. He stopped at a motel to spend the night and the next morning he saw a dent on the front bonnet of his truck along with blood… a few brown hairs… Basically, enough to confirm his suspicions, so he went in to report it. Now we know… Charlie has been frantic ever since Steve told him last night, he's been trying to get hold of Bella. Now we know the blood we found of the road was from that hit, we can lead him in that direction. He'll assume an animal carried her off after she was hit. It will be hard, but… it's the only way I can see forward. As for Jacob… well, that's easier said than done. I asked him to help with the investigation; he said he needed time away. He refused to listen, rebelled against my authority and broke away from the pack. He took off shortly after we spoke and we haven't been able to track him down since. We are on our own with this one."

"How was he able to rebel? I thought you were Alpha of the pack?" I asked, hoping not to offend. Sam turned his eyes to me before responding, "In the original La Push pack Jacob's father, Ephraim Black, was Alpha. Since I was the first to phase, I took on the Alpha status but when Jacob finally phased, it was his rightful place and it was offered to him. He refused, and I remained Alpha. Now he has rebelled, he has effectively disregarded my leadership. He is his own Alpha and is no longer in linked with the pack."

Silence clung to the room as we all processed everything that had been said. I couldn't believe I had missed so much, I felt like such a failure! I vaguely listened to the words around me as Carlisle and Sam continued to sort what would happen from here. I didn't even bother checking in on the future to help them, there was nothing there to see.

"At this stage, we are reluctant to move Bella. With Edward still out of range, he won't be aware what has gone on here, not to mention as Bella will be a newborn, it's best not to be any closer to humans than we need to be. We will visit Charlie's this evening and see if we can pick up any scents, or take what we can from the scene. We will leave it to you to lead Charlie in the direction of an animal attack. I wish there was another way to go about this. With everything you are going through, the last thing we need is to add to your burden."

"I appreciate your concern, but we will be fine. We had better get going though, we've been away long enough. Let me know if you find anything at Bella's and when she has finished her change. We will need to discuss with her the rules that must be followed to allow the treaty to remain, as well as see if she can remember anything that could be useful on our hunt for these rogue vampires."

"So the treaty will still remain intact even though…?"

"Yes. I believe we have all lost too much for a fight to break out among us. We need to work together to bring whomever is responsible for this to justice."

"I appreciate that, Sam. Once again, please let us know if we can help with anything at all."

"Thank you. We will be in touch."

And with that, the wolves were gone. We all sat staring at each other, wondering who would break the silence. I was surprised when Emmett spoke first, "Carlisle, I'll go to Bella's and find out what I can from the area, track down the scents. We need to find these mother fuckers before they get too far."

"Quite the way with words Emmett, but I agree. I will come as well; the more of us familiar with the scent, the easier it will be to track them down. It will also be good to get a feel for the area. Alice, you are welcome to join us, but I would prefer if you stayed with Rose and Esme to keep an eye on Bella. Jasper…?"

"I'll come with you. Sam said there were three vampires, so it's best to be prepared if they return to track Bella."

"Alright, well there's no time like the present. Alice, can you see anything? Do you see Charlie coming home at any stage?" I quickly checked on Charlie, but he was down on the reservation and most likely with Leah or one of the wolves so I couldn't see anything. I growled in frustration, "Nothing. Charlie must still be on the reservation so I can't see anything. I'll keep an eye out and call you if I see anything. I'm guessing I will see him if he decides to come back."

After hugging my husband goodbye, I watched them leave the house before returning to Bella's side. I couldn't believe how much I had missed. I reached down and picked Bella's hand up off the bed and gazed down at her face. Her hand had lost its heat, we were the same temperature, and that could only mean one thing. We were in the last stages of her change. I closed my eyes, and focused on Bella again, fought to see her future as a vampire, for even the smallest glimpse… but as usual there was nothing there. My eyes filled with tears I would never shed, and I tried to move on to Edward, desperately seeking his future as well, but all remained the same. He was still shrouded in the black and I couldn't see that changing. At this stage, I could see no future between the two of them. A tearless sob racked my body, and I felt Esme come up behind me, comforting me.

"Everything will be ok, dear. It will all work out. Bella's change is progressing as normal, and when she wakes we will find Edward. They love each other, and they both deserve their happily ever after. Have faith in that." She soothed, rubbing my back. I looked at her, trying to figure out how I was going to explain what I had seen. But the longer I looked at her, the harder it became to tell her the truth. She would be heart broken… I turned away and nodded my head, humming noncommittally.

With a deep sigh, I folded down to the floor once again with Bella's hand still clutched in my own. Esme sat beside me and I slug an arm over her shoulder, hugging her to me. I watched my visions play out as the Emmett and Jasper circled Bella's house, checking every inch for the scent of the other vampires, while Carlisle swiped the spare key from the above the door and check for any scents inside. I zoned out then, and focused only on Bella, matching my breathing to hers. Both her heart and her breath were slow, but they were steady. The gentle rhythm lulled me into an almost trance like state.

…

Thump

…

Thump

…

Thump

…

Time passed, afternoon slipped into evening, evening into night, night into dawn. Just as the sun's rays peeked over the forest, the front door opened and Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper entered shortly after with defeat written all over them. Esme and Rosalie were quick to move towards their mates, I however, stayed on the floor holding Bella's hand, and waited for Jasper to come to me.

He slipped in behind me, taking Esme's place and wrapped his arms around me; I cuddled into him, breathing in his scent. "Did you find anything?" I heard Esme ask. I looked over to Carlisle; he looked almost pained, as he replied, "No, unfortunately we were unable to pick up any unfamiliar scents, the heavy rain must have washed it all away. We couldn't find anything amiss inside the house either. Bella must have been outside for some reason when the vampires came across her, there is nothing to say they entered the house at all. The situation has become slightly more difficult now, especially since we can't speak to Jacob or Bella. At this stage, I think it's best to wait for the change to be complete, and hope Bella can shed some light. Alice, anything further?"

Dropping eye contact, I shook my head.

"Well, now we just wait for Bella."

As if on cue, Bella's heart rate picked up drawing all our attention. I stood from my seated position and held my breath. This was it. It was finally over! Her heart was racing in her chest, the thumping echoing loudly off the walls of the room until finally,_ finally_, with a few stutters, her heart stopped completely.

After what felt like hours, but really had only been a minute at the most, Bella's eyes popped open. The vivid red was startling against her porcelain skin. She gazed at the ceiling with an strange confused look on her face, and we all watched her curiously. Although it had only been a few minutes, Bella wasn't reacting like a normal newborn would have.

Mildly concerned, I took a small step closer to Bella, just as a vision of Edward slammed into my head. I watched him jolt in shock and gasp in a lungful of water, before planting his feet and forcing himself up to the water's surface. _WATER?! That's what the blackness was! Finally I can-_ My thoughts cut off abruptly as Bella gasped and abruptly sat up, "Who the hell was that?" she almost shouted. Her eyes widened, and she gasped in shock as she pressed one hand to her throat and one to her mouth, surprised by the sound of her voice.

I didn't blame her, her voice had changed, it was slightly richer and lighter at the same time. Visions of Edwards pushed at me, but I had to focus on Bella at the moment, she must be so confused. I took another few steps towards her, hoping not to startle her too much, when her eyes suddenly whipped to me, "Alice?" she gasped, "Alice! Oh my god, Alice!" She lunged at me, almost knocking me over and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, squeezing tightly.

"Nice to see you too, Bella! We've been so worried about you! Before we explain, do you think you could maybe not squeeze me so hard? Ouch!" I said laughingly. She quickly released me, an apologetic look on her face, "Newborn strength, of course. Sorry Alice." I grabbed her hand and pulled her back over to the bed to sit down. I stared at her in wonder, I knew she would be gorgeous, and she was, stunningly so. But she still wasn't acting like any newborn we had ever seen. She was so controlled and even-tempered… maybe after she realised what was going on it would change, but I hoped for her sake, this calm would last long enough to find out what happened.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly before speaking, "Do you remember what happened, Bella? Do you know who we all are?" The change affected us all differently, and I knew from everyone else that it was a struggle to retain your human memories. They were there, they were just foggy, or faint. I was hoping since she knew who I was straight away, that it wouldn't be a problem for her.

She laughed at me and then shifted her attention on the others in the room, "Hi" she said with a shy smile "Carlisle the doctor and 'father' for all intents, Esme, Carlisle's mate, and extremely talented interior designer and 'mother'. Jasper, history buff and your mate, Alice. Emmett the one who thinks he is hilarious, and his mate the stunning Rosalie. Wow. You're all so good-looking! I missed so much with human vision, it's almost... I can't get over how much clearer you all are. And Rosalie, you're so beautiful it almost hurts to look at you!"

Rosalie glowed at the praise, but didn't offer more than a small smile in response. She'd done well, so far most of her human memories appeared to be intact, which is something I couldn't say for myself. "I'm so glad you remember us! Now, do you remember anything from the past few weeks? Or what happened the night of your change? We haven't been able to get many details yet and we're hoping you can give us something to go on."

Bella looked puzzled, but finally her expression cleared and she spoke "I remember some I think. I was at La Push with Jacob and the pack; we had a bonfire for dinner. For some reason we started arguing, something happened and I asked him to bring me home. We fought for a while but he finally took me home like I asked. I remember not speaking to him for a few weeks, I can't remember exactly how long. I was angry with him, but I'm not sure what for. I was staying at my house to keep away from him… Charlie! Charlie wouldn't let me use my truck unless I spoke to him… Why was I so angry with him? I've never fought with Jake before and I can't think of anything that would make me _that _mad… Anyway, Jacob came over to try to talk to me. We argued again… Seth was there… Uh, I don't… everything's so fuzzy, that's really all I can remember before waking up just now. How did this happen? And Charlie…? What about Charlie!"

I stared at Bella, cold chills rushed over my entire body as panic welling up inside me. Was she purposely avoiding mentioning Edward, or did she just not remember? Or…? I quickly flicked through Edward's future, he hadn't made any decisions as yet, I saw him lying on the banks of a lake that was surrounded by a forest… and that was it. He had no plans. Of course he wouldn't know Bella had changed, I knew he would come back as soon as we could get hold of him or find him, but if Bella didn't remember him…?

My heart dropped as I looked into Bella's future. It was only coming an hour or so sections, but at least I could see something now! I could see her with the family, I could see we would take her hunting soon, she would take down a large elk… but passed that, nothing. _Was this her gift? Something to do with a shield? The same thing that blocked Edward?_

When I zoned back into the conversation flowing around me, I realised Carlisle was already explaining what was being said to Charlie, and what Sam had relayed to us about what had happened. Bella looked shocked at it all, and a bit overwhelmed. I squeezed her hand again in comfort and her attention drifted to me. "What were Jacob and I fighting about? I can't imagine anything that would cause that much of a rift between us? He's my best friend!" I swallowed around the lump in my throat. _Do I tell her…?_

"Bella, do you remember Edward?" She frowned and cast her eyes around the room quickly, "Edward? No. Who is that? Is he one of the vampires that attacked me?" I ignored her question and asked another of my own, "Do you remember going to school with us? With him?"

"Of course! I remember you coming up to me and telling me that we were going to be best friends, and we were. _Are_. So who's this person? Was he someone at school?" No one answered Bella's question, and she swung her eyes between us, waiting. "Why are you all looking at me like that? What am I missing?" I ignored her once again, and struggled to put together my next question.

"When we all had lunch together, how many of us did you sit with? Who was your lab partner in Biology? Do you remember who lives in this house? Who lives in the room on the third floor?"

"Whoa, slow down, Alice. Let me think…uh, ok... Ok, well at lunch I sat with you, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. There was one too many people in our Biology class, so I sat by myself, I didn't have a partner. But I did AP Bio back in Phoenix though so it wasn't too hard. Who lives… you all do?" Her answer almost a question, "and no one lives on the third floor. It's always just been an empty room with music and a few books as long as I've known you…. Anyway, what has this got to do with anything?"

My stomach filled with lead at her statement, and my skin tingled as sadness welled up inside me and tears pooled in my eyes. I knew the answer already, but I couldn't help asking one last question, "Do you remember having a boyfriend, Bella?"

"A boyfriend? No, I've never had a boyfriend. I know I'd been spending a lot of time with Jake before we fought, but you know it's not like that. I'm not interested in him like that, he's like a brother to me... Alice? Alice, are you ok? Someone tell me what's going on!"

Her temper was taking hold, but I couldn't bring myself to answer, to reassure her. I heard Esme walk forward to place her hand on Bella's shoulder and draw her away from me, "Come on, dear. I'm sure you thirsty. Let's go find a hunting spot and wait for the others. You just wait until you see the forest with your new eyes."

Bella clutched her throat with her free hand, grimacing, "Yeah, my throat definitely hurts, now I understand what you were meaning by the fire" she said as she moved off the bed. "Alice, are you coming?" I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes, so I patted her hand comfortingly before releasing it.

"Alice, Jasper and I will catch up to you all" Carlisle said for me, ushering them everyone out of the room.

After Emmett and Rosalie followed them out the door, we all sat in silence, we didn't dare speak until we were sure the other were across the river and out of earshot. When I was finally sure it was safe, I looked up at Carlisle, the devastation was clear on his face. "What are we going to do? She doesn't remember, it's like he never existed in her mind… like he just… wasn't there?"

Carlisle walked over towards the window, and Jasper took the opportunity to move back to my side. Carlisle stared for a long time before turning and answering me, "I don't know, Alice. I just don't know. It may be a defence mechanism, Bella's mind protecting itself. I hope with time, as her mind becomes more able to deal with what happened, she might start to remember, and all the missing pieces will fall into place. I just hope it's not… Look, we can only guess as to the amount of pain and suffering endured before her change. Edward is Bella's mate, losing him… well, you can imagine."

I shuddered at the thought of living without Jasper, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would not survive without him; I could not live any life without him. My mind flew with options, trying to come up with the best way to fix it. "We need to tell her about him! When she comes back we'll-"

"No, Alice."

"What do you mean, 'no'? They're mates! They belong together! I'm sure as soon as-"

"No, Alice. She needs to remember in her own time, you cannot force this. I think for now, the best thing is to carry on as normal. Ask Bella to write journals of her human memories so she doesn't forget. Hopefully as she processes through them it will help her to remember Edward, and their love for each other."

"But, what if we just tell Edward to come back? He moved! I know where to find him now; he was in water, which is why I could only see black! He's in the sea, or a river or a lake. In some type of deep water! We could find him now, he will come back and Bella will see him and remember how much she loves him and everything will go back to the way it was! We'll be a family again and I'll have my brother back!" Heartbroken sobs took over, until I could no longer speak but I still stared at Carlisle, willing him agree with me.

"I think it's best if Edward stays where he is for now. I think we need to leave him be. When he is ready, he will come back and we will deal with it from there. He will always be part of our family, but we need to focus on Bella for now. Edward has made his choice, and Bella's mind has made hers for her."

I stared at Carlisle, not believing the things that were coming out of his mouth. How could he say this? How could he believe this was the best way! I shut my eyes, blocking everything out and tried to force another vision, but one further into the future, one where my best friend and my brother were together, happy. But instead of what I was after, another vision of Edward played out in front of my eyes. He was lying on the banks of a lake and looked horrible, there was no light or life his eyes. He was hurting too. Another vision over took the last as he decided to write something in the sand beside him, he was saying my name… "I'm not ready. Please don't find me. Take care of Bella." I gasped in shock as the vision passed, _Did that mean he knew? No, no he couldn't! He would never-_

Jasper's hand on my shoulder pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him, struggling to find away to explain to him what I had seen, and what it meant. His honeycomb eyes shone with emotion "Alice. I agree with Carlisle. I'm sorry, darlin' but I think we need to give her some time. Both of them." Defeat flooded through me as I registered what he was saying, I let my eyes drift back to Carlisle once last time before dropping them back to the floor. I replayed the vision of Edward again, finally taking in what he wanted, and accepting it. He wanted to be left alone.

I shook off Jasper's hand and stood, ignoring the pain in his eyes as I dismissed him, and made my way to the front door. I paused and looked back at both my husband and my father. "I will go along with what you want for now, I guess maybe you are right about her needing some time. But I think we need to tell her. Soon. She's not the only one who needs time though… I just, I want to be by myself for a while before I have start the show your asking me to put on for Bella." Without waiting for a response, I walked out of the house and shut the door behind me.

I started walking slowly through the forest, thinking of all that had transpired. I walked in almost a trance like state, grieving for Seth, grieving for my brother and his lost love, Bella's lost memory. All I wanted was for everyone to be happy, for us to be a family… but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Before long I found myself standing outside Bella's house. I glared at it in disgust, trying to blame it for everything that had happened. I drew myself in a slow circle, I looking around the backyard, searching for clues the others might have missed, but there was nothing. Scuff marks in the lawn from the fight were the only thing that remained, but even those held no hint of a scent.

Giving up, I made my way to the porch steps, brushing my fingers lightly over the railing as I ascended the steps. Without pausing I pushed the door open and continued into the house, following the staircase up into Bella's room until I finally came to a stop in the doorway. I cast my eyes around the messy room, taking in the clothes still scattered on the floor and the half-open dresser. It still smelt faintly of Edward.

I was drawn to the rocking chair, a place I knew Bella had spent a lot of time after Edward had left, looking out the window and waiting for him to return. I took a seat in her place and stared out into the surrounding forest, letting the guilt and sadness consume me.

A long time had passed before I moved, a vision of Charlie driving home finally pushing it's way into my mind, and I knew I needed to go. As I stood, my shoe shuffled some papers in front of me, and I looked down to see the photos of Bella and Edward from her birthday and the prom. Underneath it, I could see the envelope Edward had left for Bella to find. It was worn as if it had been read, and reread multiple times. The pages folded and refolded. I stared at it, wondering if I should leave them all there, when headlights swung over the house and crunching of gravel on the driveway made my decisions for me.

Swiping everything up and clutching it to my chest, I walked softly to the door. I took one last look around the room, and said a final farewell to the human Bella, before racing down the stairs, out the door, and into the night.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**I am so sorry for the length of time that this has taken me to get this up, it's actually ridiculous and I really do apologise. I promise it won't be that long again! I have a few chapters in the final stages, so I promise it won't be too long. Aiming for next Tuesday :)**

**Just to reconfirm, italics with no quotation marks are the persons own internal thoughts. Italics with single quotation marks are internal thoughts from someone else, that Edward can hear.**

**As always, lemme know what ya think. **

***drops mic***

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~ Chapter Ten ~

Edward

The small dot of red on the horizon was the first thing that had caught my attention in a long time. As the cloud mist slowly lifted, that small red dot glowed brighter and brighter, pushing its way into the sky. Red streaks of light seemed to scorch the dry, windswept, and seemingly endless scrub of the harsh mountainside, engulfing every valley and ridge as it went. Finally, the entire sky and the surrounding forest below were bathed in a shimmering luminescent red. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen a sunrise of such magnitude.

I took a slow breath in before rising to my feet, my limbs tingled from misuse, and I took my time shaking out each one, it felt strange to be conscious of my movements. Shuffling backwards until I came to rest against the cool rock face, I watched as the sun moved higher in the sky and the vivid red slowly receded into spun gold, coating everything as far as the eye could see.

It was the dawn of a new day.

As the sun chased the last of the shadows away, I stretched and rolled my shoulders a few times to loosen them up, then swept my gaze over the open land. It was time to move, time to go home. _But where to start…Down the mountain,_ I mused, chuckling softly. I slowly made my way to the cliff edge to start my decent when the sun caught the dirt covered skin of my hands, cutting my chuckle off abruptly. My hands glimmered in the soft morning light. I stood, transfixed by the patterns and colours and let my mind drift back to a time long ago when the love of my life had called it beautiful. The thought confused me and snapped me back to reality, _how long have I been up here?_

Since leaving Forks, I'd drifted in a daze, incoherent and drowning in memories of what felt like another life. I wavered between disbelief and denial of that part of my life being over. Every memory was like a knife dragging through my chest, but I couldn't stop them coming, part of me didn't want to stop them. No matter how much it hurt, the pain reminded me that it had actually happened, and it hadn't been a figment of my imagination. I had been loved, no matter how briefly.

I palmed my chest, trying to rub out the pain that pulsed once again, and tried to distract myself from my thoughts. As if on cue, a scorching burn ripped up and down my throat. I needed to hunt. I hadn't fed often since I had left Forks, only when the thirst would get too much that, without thinking, I would drag myself down the mountain until I crossed path with a goat or something equally as unsatisfying to drain, before returning to my nook in the rocks.

I had no idea how much time had passed, it had been so long since I'd actually focused my thoughts, but I guessed it would have been a few years at the very least... Guilt welled up when I realised that not once had I even attempted to contact my family to let them know where I was. I knew Alice could see me, but Esme would worry no matter what Alice told her.

_The first thing I need to do is find my family, start where I left. Forks…_ A shudder rolled through me at the thought. _Where would they be now? They couldn't possibly still be in Forks._ I imagined they would have waited at least until she was married, they would have wanted to be there for her, stand by her on her day. They may have even stayed until she had her first child… But as soon as the questions started on why no one looked any older, and why the 'teenagers' hadn't moved on to college, or at the very least left home, I knew they would need to leave. It was the same old story wherever we went.

With a vague plan in place I started my decent from the mountain, taking my time. Hours later I hit the foothills and came to a halt at the forest edge, I let my eyes drift shut as I took in the sounds and scents around me. My senses were throbbing, growling to take over, to allow the search for sustenance to cool the raging fire in my throat. I took a slow, deep breath in and released it just a slowly, letting my control slip as the breath left my lungs and let my instincts take over. It wasn't long before I caught the soft, wet slug of a heartbeat off to my right. My body tensed in excitement and I was off.

Seconds later my teeth slid through the thick skin of an elk and hot blood spilled down my throat. Grunting with predatory satisfaction, I dropped the drained carcass and sniffed the wind, hoping to catch the scent of more. In record time I was draining my second elk, groaning in delight as the fire in my throat was extinguished slightly. I knew it wasn't enough, but I could hunt more on the way back to Forks.

Wiping my hand over my mouth as I stood over my feast, I felt a cool gust of wind wrap around the skin on my chest and shoulders. Looking down at the torn remains of my shirt and pants, I groaned when I realised I'd have to find something to wear before I attempted to return to civilisation. A small smirk lifted the corner of my lips at the thought of people, or _Alice _seeing me like this. Somewhere along the way, I'd lost my finesse in hunting. My clothes were torn and covered in dirt, grime, fresh and dried blood. The exposed skin of my chest and thighs were just as covered. Clothes. I definitely needed clothes.

With my next plan in mind, I left the carcasses, knowing no human would find them this far out, and started in the direction of where I thought would be the nearest town. I took my time, walking slowly through the forest and taking in my surroundings. It had been so long since I had taken notice of what was around me, it was a strange feeling knowing I'd come through this forest before and I couldn't remember the journey.

The sun had descended into late afternoon by the time I came across a ramshackle old hunting shack. The windows were all broken, vines grew across the roof and it was barely held together. Figuring there might be something inside that might be able to get me as far as the next town, I walked up the unstable porch steps and pulled at the broken door. With a pop, the hinges snapped off and the door fell away, showering me with an extra coating of dust and decaying leaves in the process. After carefully placing the broken door down, I shook off what I could before hesitantly moving over the warped floorboards and into the shack.

I scanned the small open living area, taking in the dusty table with a few broken chairs, an old pot belly stove with rusted-over pots and pans, a few unlabeled cans, a small chest and a thin musty mattress resting on the bones of what looked to be an old cot. From the smell of the place, there hadn't been humans here for years, if not decades. Not a single human scent remained in the place.

I made my way over to the chest and opened the lid slowly, careful not to break the grinding hinges. The chest was filled with old papers, a few more unmarked cans, and some dusty old clothes. Pulling out the clothes, I shook off the dust and found a dark pair of pants and an old chambray shirt. Despite the years they'd been sitting both seemed to be fine, apart from being faded and dusty. They would do.

Taking the clothes, I backtracked to a creek I'd passed earlier and stripped off. The water was arctic, but it felt good to wash the filth from my body and hair. I lay for a long time in the creek, staring up at the trees and letting the water swirl and flow around me, enjoying the peace and quiet. I knew the next town would mean humans and thoughts coming at me. That would be a challenge I wasn't looking forward to after years of silence, but I knew it had to be done. Hopefully I could still keep my control in check.

The waters constant flow soothed as I thought about what would happen after I'd reached the nearest town. Returning to Forks would be hard, especially if I couldn't find my family there, but worse than that would be seeing them together. It would be unbearable, excruciating, but I knew it would be inevitable to see some part of their lives, even just through others thoughts.

_Maybe they'll want to come and thank me when they hear I'm back…_ My heart spasmed at the thought, although I knew I'd done the right thing, it didn't hurt any less. I needed to shut it all out while I was in Forks, to harden myself to the feelings that would no doubt try to cripple me. I would give no external indication as to what was going on inside, they didn't deserve to feel any guilt over me. Hopefully I would be able to convince Jasper with my stoicism, but if not, I knew he would keep my feelings to himself.

With the years alone, I'd had no reason to keep the wall up, but before I returned, my hard, impenetrable wall needed to go back up. I would not be at the mercy of my emotions in front of her, them or anyone else. I would make them all believe I had moved on. As if in agreeance, each swirl of water dragging past my prone form helped harden the wall, shifted the mask into place and indifference hardened my expression.

By the time I rose from the water, it was pitch black. With my resolve in place I shook myself off and pulled the pilfered clothes on. Despite the musty smell, they fit relatively well although they were a touch snug, but they didn't look half bad. My boots had held up over the years and they would do for the next few days at least, so I dragged them on as well. It probably wouldn't be best to turn up barefoot anywhere near humans. By now Alice would have seen my decision to head to the next town, and would be frantic trying to track down where that might be so she could get some type of message to me about where they were now. Hopefully that meant I could avoid Forks.

With a deep sigh and one last glance to check everything was covered, I said goodbye to the feelings I'd wallowed in for years and followed the forest west.

~o~

Great Bear Lake.

I could see the imposing body of water in the distance, and knew I was almost back in some type of civilisation; it was only a matter of time before I came across a community of some sort. A small dash of trepidation flowed through me again at the thought of coming in close contact with humans. Slowing my pace, I walked as close as I could along the banks of the lake until I reached the outskirts of what could barely be considered a town. Thankfully that meant not as many thoughts to deal with…

The closest establishment I could find was a red clapboard house with a wraparound porch that seemed to double as an airport. _That's where Alice will leave me a message. Alice. _I mentally decided to wait 5 minutes outside so Alice would have time to call through with a message for me, and briefly focused on the sign highlighting the town's name as Déline, so she could find the number. I paced as I waited, letting the soft thoughts of the man inside wash over me. It wasn't too bad considering, I could still push the thoughts out.

Finally 5 minutes had passed and I pushed through the last of the forest to walk up the steps of the house. There was definitely only one mind coming from within, no one else seemed to be around. I opened the door, the bell tinkling as the door brushed past.

"Can I help you, young man?" an old grey haired man addressed me from behind the counter, his eyes sweeping over me. '_Strange, kid isn't wearing a jacket out there and it looks like he walked in from the wilderness! Haven't seen eyes that chilling for a good long while, they look like cat eyes! Now where have I seen those before?' _Ignoring his thoughts, I cleared my throat and softly asked "I'm expecting a message to be left here for me? Has anyone phoned through?" Startled from his thoughts, the man stroked his long white beard as he responded, "Not much call for that around here. What's your name, son?" "Cullen. Edward Cullen." "No, siree. No messages left here for you. Where are you staying, maybe a message it was left there?" The puzzled look on the old man's face as he mulled over whether he had heard of the newcomer in town, was enough to kick me into moving back towards the door; Alice had definitely not called. "No, no that's okay. Thank you for your time." Without a backward glance, I quickly exited the building with the soft questions from the old man thoughts trailing after me.

_Strange, I must have caught Alice off guard _I thought, _well, at least I know where I am now._ Where, was Déline. Well over four days drive home to Forks, but with no money or a passport with me; driving wasn't an option, so it would be a long run home through the deep of the forest.

Strolling slowly back into the wooded area, I waited to check the old man hadn't watched where I had gone, the last thing I needed was more curiosity and a mysterious 'man' disappearing into the woods. When enough time had passed, I weighed my options. Heading back to Forks was the only option I had from here.

I cast my eyes across the great lake and the small town for the final time, and checked my resolve. I was ready as I ever would be. My hard mask in place, I let a cold smile tilt the corner of my lips as I pinned my gaze to the direction of Forks. Without a glance back, I took off in the direction of home.

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:) Next update should be Tuesday.


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Thanks for your reviews again for the last chapter! What do you reckon is gonna happen? I'm really sorry this took so long, I am terrible. BUT! The next wee chapter is here for you. **

**My next one should be up soon, within the month. I don't really have a posting schedule, but I won't abandon the story at all. Yippee! …?**

***drops mic***

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~ Chapter Eleven ~

Edward

I was close. I could feel it.

Tension rolled through me in waves as the miles flew by, pulsing in time with each pounding step I took through the damp forest. My fingers tingled, my chest and shoulders strung tight. The closer I came, the more the tension grew.

The forest and foliage were thick with the stench of wolf and every step seemed to force another putrid waft of wet dog up into the air. As strange as it was that they were on this side of the treaty line, it didn't surprise me. It could only mean one thing. _They really are together…_

My step faltered at the thought and I cursed at myself before slowing my pace down to a jog. The ache for my mate was trying to force its way back from behind the wall, but I dismissed it quickly. This was not happening again. There was no way I could head back to my family just to project that onto them for the second time. _Well, that's if they're even there…_

The thought sneered at me, causing me to falter once again. Cursing for the second time in as many minutes, I realised I was going to need some time before I headed to the house, I needed some time to reacquaint myself with the area again and process the feelings it was going to bring up. As much as I wanted to see my family, it was better to be in control before I did. I wanted them to see that I was okay with her moving on, that just because my mate didn't want me, I was strong enough to endure it. I wanted them to see the hard mask, the firm confidence of my decision, not the hurt and aching beneath it. I didn't want to cause them any more pain or worry than I already had by needing to leave them again to get control of myself.

I quickly changed direction and veered towards the meadow I had spent so much of my time in before. That would definitely be a good place to start. The closer I came, the more my fingers tingled and my need to see it increased, the need to see that it was still everything I remembered it to be. Once I had myself under control again, I would seek out my family. If they were there, great. If not, I was sure they would have left some indication of where they had gone next. As strange as it was that Alice hadn't seen me in Déline, I knew she wouldn't leave without a sign for me. But, there were always options if they hadn't. _I could go to see her, say a final goodbye and…_

No. No, I wasn't ready for that. I would never be ready for that. I could imagine it in detail in my mind, and possibly in the minds of others, but I couldn't see in reality the life my mate had created for herself without me in it. I couldn't see the love that flowed between them again, couldn't see their children...

_Shit, maybe I can't do this. _Just as the thought of turning around and heading back to Canada passed through my mind, a bolt of pain that shot through me from head to foot causing me to skid to my knees. _Not again! _I groaned clutching at my chest and squeezing my eyes shut, panting and grunting, trying to push the pain away. After a few minutes, the pain started to ease and I was finally able to breathe through it.

I sat back on my heels with a sigh when the pain was finally extinguished completely, and took a scan of my surroundings. The forest was green and damp, dew drops rolled down the surface of the leaves and hit the forest floor with quiet taps all around me. The sun was filtering through the trees high above, dappling the forest floor and glinting off the small droplets before they were absorbed into the moist earth. It was still and quiet, peaceful. I was so close to my meadow.

As I took it all in, the odd tingling in my fingers made itself known again, catching me by surprise. The pulsing tingle had now turned into almost a vibrating tug. Though I couldn't see it, I gazed down at my fingers in amazement, flexing them as the tingle seemed to take on a life of its own. It slowly started to move, vibrating in a swirl up my forearms, through my biceps and circling over my shoulders. It pulsed strongly there, before it started tugging once again and continuing on its journey. The two points seemed to twine together in my chest and then lodge itself directly under my breast bone. It tugged strongly once more, almost in the direction of the meadow, before fading back into a vibrating tingle.

The point almost seemed warm under my touch, the soft tingling and vibrating almost feeling like a purr._ Strange,_ I mused as I rubbed my chest. After several minutes of contemplating this new feeling, I cast my eyes around the forest again. I wasn't far from my meadow, maybe that was the cause of the new sensation. I was back where I had spent so much time before and my body thought I was close to my mate again…

_NO! No. _I shook my head as the tug surged, almost in time with my thoughts. I could not let this instinct beat me and make me think something that I know isn't possible again. I knew better than this, I was stronger than this. Drawing on all my strength I pushed all thoughts of the new sensation away and closed myself off to it. I pushed it all back behind the wall I had erected when I'd first made the decision to leave. This was the way it was meant to be. I was from another era, I wasn't the type of man who knew how to make a woman care about him, let alone one from this time. That had been proven well and good. Hell, I wasn't even a man. Vampires were meant to mate for life, and I couldn't even get _that_ right. Men - _vampires_ like me were meant to be alone. With that harsh reminder, the cool mask of stoic indifference was once again back in place and I rose to my feet.

Walking now, I made my way closer to my meadow, scenting the surrounding forest as I went. There were no signs or scents of my family around here, but then again that wasn't unexpected. I hadn't told anyone about my meadow before, only Alice knew of its whereabouts from her visions, but she knew how I felt about it and had kept away.

The strange new tingle in my chest continued to tug me towards the meadow no matter how much I tried to force it away. It seemed to almost grow hotter the closer I came. Frowning, I stopped and rubbing my hand over it again, before unbuttoning the first few buttons of my shirt to check my skin. _It didn't look any different_, I thought, rubbing my fingers across it, it didn't feel any warmer either. _I'm losing my mind again._

My fingers stopped directly over the tug as I sensed another presence near. I was almost directly outside my meadow now and I'd been so focused on my chest I hadn't been paying attention to what was going on around me. Crouching, and moving back against a tree to hide myself, I listened to the sound of the soft, rhythmic breathing.

I cast my mind out to try and pick up any thoughts that came with the breath, but none came through. If my mind was right, there was no one around for miles. I couldn't hear any heart beats so whatever it was definitely wasn't human or an animal. I scented the air, trying to get a taste of what or who was around, but nothing came.

Confused, I cautiously moved closer to the meadow listening for any noises that might give me a clue as to what I was dealing with. Whatever it was, it was in my meadow. A surge of anger and possession rolled through me at the thought of an intruder in my meadow, but before I could make a move, the intruder let off a heavy, feminine sigh that stopped me in my tracks.

All thoughts dissolved from my mind as I crept closer to the sound, listening intently as the intruder took another soft inhale and slowly released it. There was a soft swish of… maybe a hand…? as it ran over the grass. Moving closer, careful not to alert the intruder to the fact that someone was watching, I peered through the trees in the shadows of the meadow. The intruder was a she. She was lying down in the grass, barely visible among the wild flowers. I could see her raised knees, one resting on the other with her bare foot gently tapping up and down, side to side.

The oddest sensation spread through me as I watched her foot, the tingle in my chest heightened, the tugging becoming extremely hard to ignore. _I need to see her face._

I quietly stepped back into the forest and turned back, searching for the closest pine tree. Spotting the perfect tree, I made my way across to it and started to climb, careful not to knock any bark free as I ascended. The tingling tug in my chest objected to me moving away from the creature and the feeling made my breath catch. It didn't make any sense. I knew that it wasn't her in my meadow, it couldn't be her. Whoever was in that meadow was not human, and that meant that it couldn't be her. The thought sobered me enough that I could push forward, further up the tree. Luckily, my pause and my internal arguing hadn't alerted the intruder to my presence.

After what felt like hours, I finally reached a branch that hung over the edge of the meadow that had a vantage point I could use, and I shuffled my way out across the branch. The closer I came to seeing the creature, the more my chest lit with fire. As her body and rich brown locks came into view, the reason for the tugging became clearer. The tug was pulling me in her direction.

My body had known who was near the minute I changed direction towards the meadow. The throbbing tingle… the tugging… Everything stopped as my mind finally caught up with my body. Without conscious thought I sucked in chocked gasp, alerting the creature to my presence and she shot to her feet, crouched, growling, ready to attack. Our gaze locked.

A second later I lost my footing, and hit the ground flat on my back in the meadow.

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:)

Dun dun dun...


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Helloooo :) Just a short one for today! Thanks for reading the last chapter, and thanks for the reviews on that one! Hope you enjoy, more to come soon.**

***drops mic***

* * *

~ Chapter Twelve ~

Bella

"Bella…"

His voice sounded unused, deep, with a slight rasp that shivered up my spine like a caress. My name on his lips was a statement rather than a question.

I scanned the stranger as he slowly rose to his feet, trying to figure out how he would know my name, or if I knew him from somewhere. But I was coming up blank.

I took in the worn boots and long legs that tapered up to lean hips. His pants fit those hips to perfection. Realising my gaze was resting a little too long in that area, I jerked my eyes up his tall frame. His broad shoulders, covered by an old chambray shirt, were tensed with power that seethed beneath his carefully controlled surface.

The dust and dirt marking his skin from the fall heightened rather than blurred the strong planes of his face, the heavy brows and the honeyed eyes that seemed almost caressing as he glanced me over in turn.

My stomach dropped into a slow pulse as the stranger lifted a long fingered hand to push his odd coloured hair back up off his forehead. My fingers itched to follow his through the thick locks. He was definitely attractive, but he was also definitely a stranger. I was almost certain I would remember meeting this vampire, in this life or the last.

"How do you know my name?" I took a step back at the sound of my own voice. It was too husky, almost breathless, but I couldn't do much about that now. It was difficult enough to appear unaffected and to force air past the sudden tightness in my throat as the pulsing heat spread through me.

His golden eyes cooled as they crinkled in amused confusion, his head cocking slightly along with one corner of his smooth lips as he considered my question. With a shrug that made the muscles shift and coil beneath his shirt, he evaded my question.

I froze at the gesture and the cold amusement reflecting in his eyes. He was playing with me, acting like he knew something I didn't. That could only mean one thing… _Volturi! That's how he knew my name! He's not acting like he knows something, he DOES! _my mind screamed at me. I'd been warned so many times that they would come, to be prepared for that when it happened and to try not to show too much. The fact this vampire had come alone didn't mean anything, there could be more! Or he was just the scout and had taken advantage when he had seen me alone. They were capable of anything and if they knew the full extent of our gifts they would try to split us up, to corner us, do anything to take us... Panic slammed through me, I didn't care if I exposed myself, but I needed to protect my family from them!

The stranger must have sensed the change because the amusement dropped from his face and was quickly replaced with concern. He took a step forward, his brow furrowed and a hand stretched out as if to touch me. Anger flooded through me at the cheek of it all, _how DARE this vampire come here to hurt me! To hurt my family! _I threw up my shield violently towards him as he tried to take another step, it hit him hard, the impact slamming him flat up against the tree he had fallen from, pinning him to the trunk.

"Don't come any closer! I know who you are and what you're here for, how could you think anyone would go with you?! Or were you planning on forcing us? Leave us alone and go back to where you came from!" I growled out.

The stranger didn't respond, just released a huff of air that seemed to deflate his entire body. His control seemed to slip as he met my angry glare and I could see the hurt and devastation shining in his eyes. Confused by his reaction but not wanting to lose my anger and let him get the upper hand, I forced his chin up hard with my shield, pinning his head to the tree trunk so he couldn't distract me with those long lashed eyes. He had brought this on himself by coming here to try and hurt my family!

With that thought, I pressed a bit harder on his chin and watched as cracks split the skin around his perfect jawline. He groaned in pain as venom flowed into the cracks, trying uselessly to stitch the skin back together against the force of my shield. Guilt shot through me at his pain, but I quickly shoved it aside. The Volturi had done far worse to my family, I would not feel guilty for trying to put a bit of fear into them with my shield!

"When you get back to where you came from, you make sure you-" the sound of feet running hard through the forest in our direction distracted me from my warning. Without taking my eyes off the stranger, I threw my shield out around the meadow to block whomever it was from coming in. There would be no way anyone would be coming into my meadow unless I allowed it.

"Here come the rest of your little Volturi friends, hmm?" I taunted, pressing him a bit harder. This time the groan came from the tree as it resisted the pressure.

"Volturi?- I'm not V- I'm Carlisle- I'm Edward Cullen-" The stranger stuttered out.

My attention was diverted from the stranger's mouth as whoever was racing through the forest reached us. A soft smile lit my lips as I realised who it was. _Caleb. _I relaxed my shield from the direction he was coming from, and within seconds I felt his hand grip mine, his almost 6ft frame shadowing me. "Well, Bella. I saw someone here when I checked where to find you and came as soon as I could. Looks like you didn't need my help though. Volturi?" he asked with a chuckle.

I shot a guilty smile up at him before returning my attention to the vampire, "Umm, actually I don't know. I may have slightly overreacted. I just assumed Volturi, but he just mentioned Carlisle though" I admitted. "Carlisle? Jesus, Bella, let him go then!"

The amount of venom that ringed the vampire's neck made me feel a bit sick as I slowly released the pressure on his chin. "Sorry" I murmured guiltily, watching as he squeezed his eyes shut, struggling not to show any pain as his skin melded back together. When the final piece of skin sealed, he sagged against my hold, his head falling forward as the pain receded.

"What's your name, stranger? Sorry about Bella here, she's just protective. We've been burned by the Volturi before, so better safe than sorry nowadays!" Caleb said gaily. The stranger didn't respond, his eyes had locked on our clasped hands. An awkward silence hovered in the air as the vampire's gaze slowly drifted up, sweeping back and forth between us before a strange expression crossed his face and his head dropped again, his eyes on the dirt.

Now the danger had passed, I realised the deep pulse was back in my stomach and my skin had taken to tingling. Thinking it might be because my shield wasn't used to touching someone new, I slowly released the rest of his body from its pinned position. He didn't raise his head, just tried to shake himself off a bit, hesitantly touching his jaw as he mumbled a thank you for his release.

The awkward silence stretched before finally the vampire cleared his throat, "It's been a few years since I've seen Carlisle, and so I thought I would drop by. My name is Edward Cullen" he said lowly. I struggled with the urge to comfort him, he sounded so sad.

As if sensing my need, Caleb squeezed my hand, drawing my attention to him. He gazed knowing down at me, and I quickly wrapped my shield around us in a protective bubble so this 'Edward' couldn't hear us, before trying to distract him. "Have you heard anyone mention an Edward?" "No. Could be true. He's got the looks of a vego like us. But you would know, you haven't taken your eyes off him" he said, with a smirk.

My anger flared up quickly, "That's not true! I'm just making sure he's not dangerous, I mean he could have a gift he's not showing…" I trailed off as I found myself proving Caleb right by staring at the vampire, hoping to catch another look into those eyes again. He still hadn't moved from where he stood, and he wasn't looking at either of us, though I knew he must be curious as to why he couldn't hear us. I sighed realising that as long as he was still near, I was just going to keep proving Caleb right. I couldn't seem to draw my attention away from him, or cut the swirling heat inside me.

But I needed to do both. I also needed to get home first, just in case he was telling the truth and headed for Carlisle. Forcing myself to turn away from him, I pulled Caleb by the hand through the meadow and into the forest beyond. I couldn't help hoping that this Edward Cullen was who he said he was and I hadn't just let the Volturi descend on my family. Looking up at Caleb again, I saw him glancing back at where the vampire stood.

"Do you think he'll come to the house?" I asked, "Oh yeah, definitely" Caleb replied, still smirking, "that is one good-looking vampire. Wonder if he has a mate? If not, I'm sure I could help him out with that" he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, and licking his lips.

"I'll cross my fingers in hopes he is batting for your team" I said laughing, slapping him in the gut and taking off towards home.

"Sure you will, B!" He shouted with laughter, hot on my heels.

I grimaced, sometimes I wished he wasn't so switched on. _The sooner we get home the better,_ I thought as we raced through the forest.

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... And so they meet again...


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**OMFG the reviews! Thank you! I'm glad it wasn't predictable! Hopefully I can keep it like that. :)**

**WARNING:****One or two of the characters are seriously hurt in this chapter. I haven't decided if it will be fatal yet, I'm still editing the next chapter…**

***drops mic and bolts***

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~ Chapter Thirteen ~

Edward

The birds had returned to the trees. They were chirping, singing their merry little tunes and flying across the meadow as if nothing was wrong in the world. The wind was blowing softly, a nice easy breeze that ruffled my hair and whispered crossed the throbbing skin of my throat. Lifting a hand, I lightly fingered the raised flesh.

No matter how much I tried to understand, I couldn't seem to figure out exactly what had happened this morning, and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I wanted to. Never in all my decades on this earth had I seen anything like it. It contradicted everything I'd ever been told, while reinforcing my own beliefs in myself, ones that hadn't needed a knife twisted into them.

At this point all I knew for certain was that my mate was a vampire. My mate was also an incredibly powerful shield - at the very least. And, my mate had almost ripped my head off before her… whatever he was, had shown up.

He wasn't as tall as I was, but other than that, he was everything I wasn't. He was blonde, good looking and charming. He was the epitome of the All American jock, only a vampire. I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous description. They stood so close to each other, holding hands, sharing smiles and laughter at my expense. I had gazed in the direction the pair had disappeared long after they were gone from my sight. And they'd still been holding hands, I noted sourly.

I had tried to probe the other vampire's mind as he left, but he was as silent to me as Bella had always been. I had heard his mind loud and clear as he raced through the forest toward us and into the meadow. He had been chanting Bella's name but there must have been a certain point where he had run straight through the shield that held me in place, because that's when all thoughts had stopped. I heard nothing once it had closed him in. She could obviously extend it to cover others as well as using it as a force, which was… impressive… even when it was being used against me.

Before the pair had turned to go back to the house I could see them talking to each other, but I couldn't hear a word they were saying. I wasn't sure if Bella had wrapped the shield around them on purpose to block me, or if it was just all part of the shield, but either way, it was like nothing I'd ever heard of or seen. It was no wonder she was worried about the Volturi. Bella was definitely one of a kind.

My mind was spinning between awe and betrayal as I struggled to figure out what it all meant. What was glaringly obvious was that there was something between this vampire and Bella. The hand holding, the panicked mind of the vampire, the intimacy... Had she moved on with someone else now she couldn't be with Jacob? Was this vampire her mate? What would that make me? I rubbed my chest absently as the thought sent shooting waves of pain through my already sore body.

The understanding I was trying to avoid finally dawned. Yes. That would make sense. I'd never heard of true mates being able to physically hurting one another, it just wasn't in their nature. There was an innate sense of protectiveness, a connection, or an overwhelming love that meant hurting the other was like hurting themselves. I knew if I had tried hurting her like she had hurt me, there would have been no way I could do it. There was no question in my mind that she was my mate, every part of my being felt the connection to her, my body physically shook with the need for her touch and was constantly pulling me in her direction. I was still just as deeply in love with her as I had been when I left, but somehow, she didn't feel it. She seemed to have no feelings for me at all.

As a human her emotions and feelings would change with time, I'd seen it, it was the reason I left Forks. I'd made a fool of myself by staying for as long as I had in the first place, even though I could clearly see she wanted a happy _human_ life with Jacob. I could see I was just getting in the way then, but I'd never dreamed that even if she were a vampire, her feelings for me would be passing. No, not passing. Her feelings for me were already well past, her crush was well and truly over. For some reason I had thought that if Bella was ever changed, that she would come and find me. Seth would have told her where he left me, but she obviously hadn't cared. Jesus, she didn't even seem to have _remembered _me through her change, which just showed how insignificant I really was. Only the important parts made it through, the rest just faded away.

A surge of despairing loneliness welled up inside me, and a deep emptiness settled around my heart as I realised that either way I looked at it, no matter what my feelings for her, _I_ wasn't _her_ mate.

That was fine. Seeing Bella again so unexpectedly had just mixed everything up and when I'd seen her resting so peacefully in our meadow, I thought that she might be waiting for me, that maybe now we could be together. But it changed nothing. I had decided long ago that I was slated to go through this life alone, and I'd learnt that lesson plain enough.

Closing my eyes, released a sigh, trying to draw back the wall of calm and determination I'd felt as I stood next to the creek in Canada. I forced everything back down behind the wall I had created, and pulled the indifference back up into place. It was time to see my family, and to find out why Alice hadn't seen me coming, or seen _this, _and come to help me. Maybe they would be able to give me some answers about Bella before I left.

With a quick steps forward that sent the birds pouring out of the trees in alarm, I was off.

~ o ~

The house shone, silent and still, the windows gleaming in the twilight that had descended on the forest. I could smell the scents of my family but I could hear nothing from inside, although that could just be another trick of Bella's shield.

I stood in the trees just beyond the creek watching the house, wondering what my best option would be. I had been expecting Alice to see that I was on my way from the meadow and come to greet me, or send someone else, but as before, no one had come. At the very least, Bella would have told them by now that I was here. Did that mean I wasn't welcome?

Hesitating, I took a step back further into the forest. I'd never been so unsure of myself, I didn't know whether to wait or just go in and greet my family. That was the reason I had come here, wasn't it? It was a strange, frustrating feeling and one I wasn't familiar with. Scrubbing a hand through my hair I looked back in the direction I'd come. _Maybe I should just head back to my mountain._

Before I could take another step away from the house, a shift in scents drifted in off the wind, along with the hint of a mind. Tasting the air, I realised it was a shifter that was making their way towards the house. _What were they doing on this side of the treaty line? _As the wolf came closer to the house, and inadvertently to me, the thoughts became louder and I recognised which of the shifters it was. Jacob. _Great, that's all I need._

Luckily, he didn't seem to be paying attention and was unaware that there was someone else around. I tried not to move or breathe, hoping he would just pass right on by without a noticing me. I really wasn't in the mood for any more confrontations.

_"…__wonder what Bella's doing now? Probably banging the new blood sucker. Hah. It's only a matter of time before I pay her back for what she made me do to Seth. Bide your time, J. Biiiide your time…" _His thoughts had changed from the last time I had heard them. Instead of the soft, caring tone from before, they had a darker, more sinister feel that had the hair on the nape of my neck standing on end. _What did he mean about Seth?_

Jacob's thoughts abruptly halted as he sensed he wasn't alone. He changed course quickly so he could slink up behind me, scenting the air as he went to figure out who I was. His thoughts were focused on surprising whomever was in the woods outside his victim's house. _His victim?_ I thought confused.

I waited for him to reach me without moving, letting him think I didn't know he was there. He had already answered a few of my questions, but maybe he could answer a few more that were raised by his inner chatter.

Just as he stepped through the foliage into the small clearing I stood in, I asked, "What did Bella make you do to Seth?"

The wolf froze as his mind spun with shock, confusion and panic as he registered whom it was standing across from him.

In his shock the images poured from his mind, one after the other, as he frantically tried to stop them. But it was too late…

…

Bella slamming angrily out of her house and shouting at Jacob…

…

Fighting in the yard…

…

Back handing her across the face…

…

Blood…

….

Broken jaw…

…

Bella flung across the ground…

…

Seth shouting for her to run as he launched himself at Jacob…

…

Bella crying, blood pouring from her face as sprinting away through the rain…

…

Carrying a broken Seth back to the reservation after covering everything up…

…

Funeral…

…

As my mind processed what I was seeing, a growl surged out of me, matching the blind rage that took over. Images of Jacob beating Bella and Jacob killing Seth spun on a loop in my mind as I sprang at Jacob, slamming my fist into his gut before he realised what was happening. He crumpled in pain, warring in his mind on what he should do – fight or flight. As he finally decided to get up and make a run for it, I cupped both fists together and using my hands like a bat, swinging them hard into the side his head just as he raised it, breaking his jaw just like he had broken Bella's.

I was beyond reason, my instincts to protect and avenge my mate and friend powered through me as I rained blow after blow on his struggling and fighting body. His teeth sunk into my hands, neck, leg, anywhere he could grab, but it made no difference. I was beyond feeling anything but my rage.

I could hear a commotion behind me, along with the panicked shouting of first Jacob's, then my name but I was too focused on my target. _He would pay for this, how had he not ALREADY paid for this!_

One second my teeth were ripping into Jacob's throat, and the next I was flat on my back with Bella straddling my chest, her small hand's wrapped around my throat. I roared at her, and struggled to shove her off as gently as I could so I could finish the job on Jacob, but she held tight. Her shield pinned my hands up beside by my head, and anchored my legs solidly to the ground. My gaze locked on her rage filled eyes, and I felt my own start to subside and reality start to seep in. From the corner of my eye I could see my shocked family on the other side of Jacob's mangled body, I could see Alice shouting at Bella, Jasper holding her sobbing form back as she shouted my name.

"I knew it! Why! Why would you come here and harm my friends! My family! What do you want from us!" Bella shouted into my face. I struggled to comprehend how she could call Jacob either family or friend after what he had done, he had _hit _her, killed Seth. As far as I could tell, he was the reason Bella was one of us. Did she not care at all? Her hands pressing against my throat kept me from speaking, but I tried anyway. "He- killed Seth- Hurt you-" I gurgled out.

"LIAR!" She shouted, pressing harder.

"Bella, nooo!" I heard Alice shout, just as I felt my limbs tear from my body. I screamed in pain and shock, trying desperately to roll her off my chest, but it was no use. I sensed Jasper and Alice were now trying to pull her off me, but as the venom gushed from my wounds, the edges of my vision began to fade and I started to lose focus. I'd already lost too much this morning and I still hadn't fed. I couldn't fight, couldn't move.

I sucked in a breath as Jasper and Alice finally succeeded in pulling her off me.

But she didn't need her hands to finish the job.

With an anguished roar from Bella that broke my heart, my world descended into black as she tore my head from my body.

* * *

...runs and hides...


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**So as you can probably tell, my Bella is a wee bit more confident and sassy. She's a bit more impulsive, outspoken and trusts her own mind/decisions, rather than constantly deferring to others. She can be a bit of a b*tch :D**

**Those were some mixed reviews for the last chapter! Thank you for all of them! Apart from the guest ones. They're just stupid, annoying and rude. As I've said before, I'm just going to delete them if you're going to be dick. Anyhoot, d****on't worry, Edward's my fave! I'm not gonna kill him off, you will hear from him right aboooout…**

***drops mic***

* * *

~ Chapter Fourteen ~

Edward

Every inch of my body burned with bone deep agony. Not even my change could compare to the torture of each part of my body fusing back together, first bone, then tendons, veins and nerves, and finally flesh and skin. Some pieces were slower, some faster, but I could feel every jerk, twist and yank.

As time passed and the fog of pain started to slightly lift, my scenes slowly reconnected and I became aware of a small hand stroking my bare chest and fingers running gently through my hair. I concentrated hard, trying to pick up the scent of who it was. I knew it must have been at least a day or so since my fight with Jacob, but I had no idea how much longer it was going to take to be completely healed.

Finally, a tiny waft of scent hit me, and I realised it was Alice touching me. _Finally, my family. _ I could hear others breathing in the room with me, but I couldn't hear anyone's thoughts. That could either be a side effect of decapitation, or it meant that Bella was close and was blocking me again. I couldn't help the pooling of dread of the latter thought.

I focused on each breath in the room and slowly but surely pinpointed first Carlisle and Esme, then Jasper hovering against the wall behind Alice. There were still two others breathing in the room and they didn't sound like the last two members of my family. That could only mean that one was the vampire I'd heard called Caleb, and the other must be Bella…

Panic flooded my system as I realised the pulse in my chest I usually felt tugging me in her direction was still there, just buried under all the pain. She was definitely in the room with me, staring at me, watching me heal from injuries she had inflicted. My instincts took over, my body shuddering and automatically retreating away from the direction I could sense her in, even though the movement hurt like hell.

"Edward, don't move. Please, relax and lie still. Jasper, what's going on with him?" I felt Carlisle move closer as Alice spoke, coming up to hold my arm, but Jasper remained where he was back against the wall. "I can't come any closer darlin'. He's goin' through some intense pain right now and it's hard for me to handle. Nothing I'm doin' is helping him, but he's just woken up I guess you could say, he seems to be aware of what's goin' on because he just started panickin', he's worried, feels threatened, but conflicted… My guess is it's Bella here…"

"Oh god, Edward, she's not going to hurt you again. Please, stay still. Your venom is still working. You're not exactly… all put back together yet." Alice said, trying to sooth me. I didn't respond, just continued to strain as far from Bella as I possibly could. I hated that she was near me while I was lying this prone and vulnerable.

Despite understanding my reaction to her, I couldn't help feeling a welling of sadness and loss. Before, the pulling in my chest had drawn me in her direction. It was a reminder of a connection to someone that I loved and cherished. But now… now that I knew how warped my connection to her was, I had to use it as a guide so I could protect myself against her. It served as a warning of where pain would come from.

If I had thought I wasn't her mate before, I knew it for a fact now.

Overwhelming waves of betrayal, rejection and despair rolled through me. I couldn't get away from her, I wanted her to leave, but a part of me wanted her to stay, to come closer, to touch me. For her to be the one stroking my chest and hair as my venom healed the wolf bites and stitched my body back together.

I couldn't handle this. I'd been going round and round in circles of hope and crushing realisation each time I'd seen her. I could feel my mind slipping but I didn't bother to focus or try to stop it.

I jarred when an exasperated sigh came from Bella, "It's his own fault. He shouldn't have attacked Jake, and for absolutely no reason! I mean, I'm sorry but I didn't know he was family, if I had I would have just restrained him. I didn't even know another 'family member' existed, don't you think that was something you should have told me? I thought we weren't doing the whole 'hide things from Bella' thing anymore? If he's so important to you, you should have told me. And why isn't he here with you as part of the family? At the moment the fact remains, Jake is in critical condition right now because of _him!_"

Alice's fingers in my hair stopped as she turned, "There must be a reason why he attacked Jake the way he did! He's not usually aggressive! He's usually gentle, reserved… I just don't understand… He must have heard something to set him off." "What do you mean 'heard'?" Bella asked. Alice sighed and resumed her stroking, "He has a gift, he can… He can read minds." "Like Aro? So he is Volturi! I don't understand any of this! Why am I only hearing about this now? Why are you all protecting him!?"

"Bella, stop. Edward is my son. He is a member of this family as much as you are, and that is all you need to know until he is healed. We had good reasons as to why we haven't told you about him. The reason he left the family is his own, but in saying that I do believe you are right. Once he has recovered, we can sit down and explain some details. But for now, he has, and never will be part of the Volturi, for the very same reasons we aren't. Edward has a powerful gift that is coveted by the Volturi, much like your own will be if they find out. Edward can read the minds of all within a certain range. It's involuntary, and it's not something he can control. There was one exception, but I'm unsure if it is still the case. The wolves will attend to Jacob and they will let us know how he is. Once both have recovered, we will get to the bottom of what happened out there, and what Edward saw. Until then, I expect you to treat Edward civilly, and there will be no more using your gift on him."

"You ask too much of me, Carlisle. I will never treat this monster civilly after what he's done. There is nothing he could have seen that would make this acceptable, and I won't promise not to tear him apart again if he hurts or threatens anyone else. This is MY family too. Come on, Caleb."

At the soft snick of the door closing behind them, my body relaxed, sensing the threat had left the room. I couldn't understand what was happening. It was all so confusing. Why had they had to explain to Bella who I was? And about my gift? Though the questions continued to flow one after the other through my mind, I didn't move to ask.

"They've gone. They just crossed the river" I heard Jasper say as he moved towards me and squatted down with Alice, "Jesus Edward, you're goin' through one hell of a range of emotions there. I can hardly keep up. Actually, I'm not sure I want to. It feels like we gon' have to explain everythin' to ya."

"Edward?" A asked, "I'm so sorry, Edward. Bella blocks you from my visions, I didn't see you coming at all! I didn't even know you were blocked until we heard you fighting with Jake in the woods, I just thought you were still in the stupid lake. It's all my fault, if I'd been able to come to you… Why? Why did you attack him? What did you see?"

When I didn't respond, Carlisle moved closer and gently pressed Alice away. "Let me check the wounds, Alice." I heard Esme and Alice move away towards the windows to give me some semblance of privacy. Meticulously, Carlisle checked the gaping wounds round my knees, groin, my shoulders and elbows, and lastly around my throat. "When we brought you in I cleaned up as best I could before holding each limb until they started to reattach. Your clothing is still here, but Alice purchased some boxer shorts that were loose enough to get on without hurting you. The wounds will continue to ooze venom as they heal so it's best for you to not be completely dressed just yet. The process has taken almost two days so far as it appears you weren't well fed before this… happened. Due to the nature of your neck injury I haven't been able to feed you any blood to help you along. Now you're 'awake' I guess you could say, that should mean most of the necessary parts are reattached so we will try to start now. I would say you have another day or so to go."

He returned within a few seconds holding two bags before passing them to Esme who had moved up to my side. She pushed a tiny hole in the bag, and then gently held my head as she pressed a finger to my chin, opening my mouth slightly. I knew it needed to be done, there was no way I'd be able to feed myself so I didn't resist as she slowly fed me all Carlisle had bought.

"Edward, I know you're in pain, but we don't know if the wolves will take this as a breach of a treaty, or as Bella and the pack are close, they will give us a chance to find out what is going on. We need to explain what we know so far, and then maybe you can fill us in on what you heard from Jacob and why you attacked. First, I need to explain that we didn't make the choice to change Bella lightly. Even after all these years, we still don't know the events that led to her change. All we know is Alice had a vision of her coming to us battered and broken. She was almost here when she was clipped by a truck on the main road. We barely made it to her in time, and I made the decision to change her rather than lose her. I take full responsibility for that. I hadn't anticipated that when she woke that she would have no memory of how she had been hurt, or why. She knew who we all were, but when you were mentioned, she didn't remember… you seemed to be missing from her memories. That's why we've had to explain now. Her mind was protecting her and I thought it was best-"

That was enough. I couldn't take anymore. As if already knowing, my instincts took over, blocking everyone out. She didn't remember me as part of her memories of the family, had no idea who I was. As I had deduced earlier, to her, there wasn't much to remember. She felt nothing of the connection I did, it was all one sided. I was not her mate.

The emptiness that had settled around my heart in the meadow flooded through me and the instincts that had tried to protect me from my mate earlier took over my mind full force until slowly but surely, I retreated completely.

* * *

So...


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Once again, seriously appreciate the reviews and all your thoughts! It makes me feel so special. I lost my mojo for a long time but I've finally got it back and will keep posting regularly.**

**Although! Speaking of mojo, I've been listening to my fave band Sundy Best, two glorious men from Kentucky (country music, love!) and it's been affecting the way I write haha. I've had to triple and thriple, and blipple edit this chapter because of it. I love their music to pieces but its very distracting when it's constantly running through your mind.**

**Painted Blue by Sundy Best is probably a good song recommendation for the last few chapters and this one actually. Such a beautiful song.**

**Anyway, next chapter is here! Will post again this time next week. Ish. Let me know what you think and your verdict on the Jacob sitch. xx**

***drops mic***

* * *

~ Chapter Fifteen ~

Alice

"Carlisle. Something's not right." Jasper called as Carlisle continued to fumbling through his explanation to Edward. "What's wrong, Jasper?" "I'm not sure, but I can't feel him anymore. He's not…aware… like he was before." "Is it Bella? Is she blocking you, too?" I butted in.

"No, she's not. I admit, she dims the emotions when she's around so they aren't as intense, which has been a good thin' over the last few days, but I can still feel every emotion comin' and goin'. But Edward, well, he's just… not there. Before, he was reactin' to what you were sayin'. Now, I can't feel anythin' from him, which I'm guessin' means he ain't hearin' what you're sayin'" We were all silent as we took in what Jasper had said.

It was going to be a while longer before we could find out what happened with Jacob. I struggled to push my frustration down; I hated not knowing what was going on! For the last few years that's all it felt like all I knew. Confusion, frustration, doubt… My gift had become a curse.

"Can you tell us anything about his emotional state since he arrived? Has anything stood out?" Jasper hummed as he contemplated Carlisle's question. "I've been thinkin' this over tryin' to work out what exactly it meant, but when I realised who was fightin' in the forest and honed in on it, I felt an overwhelmin' sense of protectiveness and vengeance from Edward and huge amounts of panic from Jacob. It was almost like Edward felt he was avengin' somethin' or someone. After we bought him in here, pain mainly - obviously. Other than that, it all ranges from betrayal, panic, despair… He's in world of pain and conflict, which is understandable. I would be too if my mate... well…"

I looked down at my poor brother. His eyes had finally opened, but it wasn't Edward in there. They were black and empty, staring out the window at the forest. "Edward?" I asked tentatively. He didn't respond, but his eyes shot to mine, a soft huff of air escaping as he watched me placidly. There was no recognition in his eyes. No Edward.

"Well, he seems calm enough, he's not reacting violently and he's not upset. He hasn't healed enough for him to be able to move yet, so we will leave him be for now. I think it's best we just keep him fed as much as we can so he can heal as quickly as possible. The quicker we can get him through this, the less time he will be in pain. Then we can find out what this… avenging was all about." Carlisle trailed off as he looked down, lost in thought. Edward gazed back up at him passively, before his eyes flicked back to look out towards the forest again. "He'll come back." Carlisle stated finally.

"Have you heard how Jake is?" I asked. "I haven't heard any news from the reservation as yet. I will call Sam and find out what's been happening in the next day or two. Although I'm sure that's where Bella and Caleb are heading now. I just hope Edward hasn't created a war with his actions."

~ o ~

"How much longer do you think he's going to be like this, Jaz?" I asked, stroking Edward's hair again. His lids lowered and a soft purr escaped. "It so weird to see him like this, it's like he's another person. Usually he hates to be touched, and have you ever heard him purr before?"

"No, darlin'. He definitely seems to be runnin' on the vampire instincts to an extent. I thought he might just be regroupin' but he's almost healed and I still can't feel anythin'. Maybe he still needs time." Edward had shifted his gaze out the window again as we spoke, his eyes black and flat like a cats. The instincts theory didn't seem too far off.

Carlisle came in to join us with another two bags of blood, and murmured his agreement of Jasper's assessment. "No change in our patient today then, Jasper?" Carlisle asked as he prepared the bags.

Esme had followed in behind with a bucket of warm water and a few cloths. I watched Esme as Jasper and Carlisle tossed back theories about Edward's behaviour. His wounds had been disgustingly gory at the beginning and although they hadn't completely sealed yet and were still an angry, fleshy red, they were much easier to look.

Esme had ignored the gore from the start and had been coming in to clean him religiously for the past four days. The first two Edward had been completely out of it as his neck and limbs initially reattached, but for the past two his sharp black eyes had watched her blankly without moving. She would pull back the sheet covering his legs and wipe away any running venom from his skin, then smooth the sheet back over him, careful to tent it slightly so it didn't touch any of the wounds. Then she'd move up to his chest and repeat the process, pulling the sheet down and cleaning off the venom from his elbows, shoulders and neck wounds. She was probably right to do so, it was pretty gross the amount that oozed out.

Once Esme had finished her task, Carlisle patted her on the shoulder and moved up to prepare a bag for Edward, shifting to hold the bag over his head ready to pierce a hole. With a sudden jerk that sent the sheet covering him flying down, Edward's hand shot up to catch Carlisle's wrist.

We all froze at the sudden movement, but Carlisle reacted quickly, "Oh, Edward. You're up to feeding yourself?" He didn't respond bar a low growl that started deep in his chest. Carlisle, confused, attempted to gently pull his wrist away, but Edward held fast. "What's going on? Is he okay, Jasper?"

Before he could respond, Edward had swung himself round to sit up on the bed, his head cocked towards the door. I cringed as his sudden movement caused a torrent of venom to pour from his neck and down his chest.

We were still gaping in shock, unsure what to do when Edward flicked Carlisle's wrist away, leapt off the bed and backed into the darkest corner of research room, directing a soft warning growl at the door that had just opened.

Bella.

He pressed himself as far away as he possibly could, his eyes locked on her. It broke my heart to see him protecting himself from his mate like this, even if I could understand why.

Bella eyed him warily, "Is it safe in here with _that_ now it's up? He's not going to attack anyone for no reason is he?" she asked, a sneer on her lips as she walked slowly into the room, closing the door behind her.

No one answered her question; none of us knew how to respond to it. I cast a quick glance at Bella before looking back to Edward, I wanted to comfort him so badly, but I knew getting in between would be a bad idea. "He's safe, he's just afraid. How did the reservation go?" When she didn't answer me, I looked back over at her in confusion.

She was frozen, her eyes locked with Edward's. When she finally took a step, it wasn't towards us as I expected. I watched as she slowly moved towards Edward instead. The closer she got to him the louder and more aggressive his growls became. "Bella, maybe its best if you stay away from him for now." Despite my words she didn't stop, she just continued to slowly edge closer, her eyes had moved from Edward's and were running over his chest and down his short clad body. "Bella?" I asked as Edward's aggressive growling grew louder, she didn't respond, didn't even seem to have heard me. I looked over at Jasper confused by what was going on. He met my eyes with slight lift of his lips and a roll of his eyes. _What the hell is going on?_

I jerked back to Edward as his growls turned to resigned whimpering. His head dropped and he shifted to a crouch, as if bracing for the pain to come, just as Bella stepped within arm's reach. Unexpectedly, I was blinded by brief flashes of the future shooting through my head starting with Bella touching Edward. I watched as her fingertips landed lightly on his chin, tilting his head up slightly. Her fingers then ran up to his cheek, slid across his mouth, then back over his cheek and up into his hair. His response was violently retreating further into his mind and frantically trying to escape. And he succeeded, later in the evening, escaping out into the woods. "Nooo! Bella!" I shouted at her as she raised her hand towards him. She jumped, startled out of her trance and darted away from Edward.

"Sorry! Sorry, I-" clearing her throat she scanned our shocked faces before glancing back at Edward who had eased back to a soft warning growl at her fast retreat. Bella, flustered, backed towards the door, "What- I just wanted to tell you that I haven't been allowed on the reservation. No one has said anything about Jake yet. I've- I've got to go." With that said, she darted a quick parting glare at Edward and shot out the door and up to her room.

Edward relaxed, releasing a deep sigh and slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Carlisle responded quickly, scooping up the bags he had originally brought up and held them out to Edward. As he caught the scent he snatched the bags out of Carlisle's hand, bit into the edges and sucked down the blood. After he was finished, he dropped the bags to the floor and watched us with a hunted, catlike gleam in his eye.

I grinned at him. _This was so exciting! What to do first... _The best thing to do first was to get Edward sorted with his own space. We had converted a room off the garage after Caleb had moved in to the guest room; it was completely removed from the house with its own bathroom. It was dark with no windows, and I knew right now, that's where he would want to be. He could shower off, put some clothes on and come back to us at his own pace. And then I could plan how to recreate what I had seen in my vision, minus the bolting Edward part.

~ o ~

"He's awake." Jasper mumbled around my fingers as they ran softly backwards and forwards across his lips. Gasping I leapt up in bed, hovering over him, "Edward?" I asked. "Mmmhmm. I'd say he's been aware for the last hour or so, I just didn't want you to get your hopes up if he drifted away again. So far he hasn't, he's been contemplatin' and he's confused. Maybe you'd better see if you can help." Excitement raced through me, _I can finally talk my brother! _I gently kissed Jasper and raced off the bed "I'll see you soon" I called over my shoulder as I quickly made my way down the stairs.

When I reached the kitchen I stopped and quickly checked where everyone was. Carlisle and Esme were in a similar position I had been in with Jasper a short time ago, and would be for some time. Although they must have heard Jasper and I, neither had made a decision to come down as well. I was thankful for that. I still couldn't see Bella, and didn't even try, but I could see her through Caleb up in the music room listening to music. _Headphones. Perfect._

I slipped out of the kitchen, quietly closing the door to the garage behind me and crossed over to Edward's room. The door was open slightly, so I took that as a welcome and eased the door further open before peeking in. He was lying on his back on top of the covers on the big bed we'd put in, staring at the ceiling. He had showered, I could smell the sandalwood mixed with his scent, his hair was wet and slicked back off his forehead. He was fully dressed now his wounds had sealed up and he was wearing dark jeans and a grey t-shirt I had picked out for him. I sighed, my eyes welling up. _I missed him so much._

He raised his head, his bright red eyes catching mine and smiled softly, "You can come in, Alice." I flew into the room and launched myself at him, pulling him into a hug whether he wanted one or not. "Jesus, Alice. I'm still kinda sore here." I sobbed at the thought, he'd been in so much pain. I clutched him for a long time before I finally sniffed and raised my head, "You know, you look so much better when you're wearing clothes I buy you. You should have given in more often."

He huffed out a laugh before shifting awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable with the contact. Taking pity on him I released him and sat cross legged on the bed, watching while he shifted around to lean back against the bedhead, his legs stretched out in front of him. We were silent for a long time, just taking each other in.

"I'm okay. Honestly, Alice. I guess I just wasn't expecting such a home coming" he joked flatly. "I uh- I should let you know. She's still keeping me out with her shield. I can't hear anyone's thoughts or even anyone talking or moving in the house. I just hoped you were here and you'd come down, that's why I left the door open. I didn't know if you would…" he trailed off, awkwardly.

I sighed, I didn't know how to explain everything to him or where to begin, but I did know that despite everything else, he needed to know we had missed him, he needed to know that we still cared about him. He must have been so hurt when not one of us had turned up to greet him when he arrived. "Of course I would come. I missed you so much, Edward. You've been gone for so long. I swear if I had seen you, or knew you had moved from the lake I would have come to find you. I didn't see anything! Her shield is so powerful and there are so many different facets to it we haven't been able to figure out how broad her range is or what it affects… I saw you moving, I saw you come out of the lake, your note to me saying you needed time. I just assumed you got back into the lake! I know she still loves you, she just-"

"Alice. Please, just stop. I really don't want to talk about this now. I'm sure we'll all have to talk about it all later, but can… can we just…sit?" I sighed, wondering if there was any other way I could get him to listen, but I still couldn't see his future so I couldn't see the outcome if I tried to forced him. The one future I'd seen was when Bella had tried to touch him and that had scared the shit out of me. There was no way I would risk that happening. I needed him here so we could bring our family back together.

"Can I just ask one thing? How long have I been gone?" I was bursting to explain everything to him, but instead, I moved to sit in next to him with my back against the headboard and just answered simply, "Seven years." "Wow. That's a lot longer than I thought." "Yeah." "So. Tell me, what have missed with the family since I've been gone? Have you and Jasper been on any vacations? Planned another wedding?" He joked, gently bumping my shoulder.

Laughing, I launched into a detailed description of everything that had happened since he'd been gone, everything excluding Bella. I explained that Rosalie and Emmett had remarried here in Forks and were now on another 'honeymoon' on Isle Esme. I told him about Jasper and my pretend 'trip abroad' and how we had purchased a ranch down in Texas where Jasper had grown up. It was big and broad, acres of land. We didn't run any cattle, but our lawyers had worked out a grazing contract with the neighbouring farms so they were allowed access to graze their herds and access the creek. The agreement was they were allowed no further than the south side of the creek, which meant we could come and go if we pleased. We planned to spend winter there. It was nice. We talked for hours, reminiscing on the decades and the memories that came along with them. Although we should have been talking about all the important things and how everything was going to work out, I did what he asked me to and just ignored it.

We were disrupted when the phone rang. It was answered quickly by Carlisle upstairs. A sense of dread flooded through me, there would only be one person calling now that I couldn't see… Sam.

I listened to Sam ask Carlisle if he could come to the house tonight to talk to everyone at once about Jacob. He sounded devastated. This wasn't good.

I grabbed Edward's arm, careful of the healed wound around his elbow, "What happened out there, Edward?" His eyes met mine with resigned sadness and shook his head softly. My eyes filled again when I realised he wasn't going to tell me anything. He gently pulled my hand off his arm and slipped it behind my shoulders, hugging me softly to his side. I clutched his shirt and hoped with everything in me, to whatever God was out there, that I wouldn't lose my brother again tonight.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Hah! That last chapter caused a stir! And some of you are so nice! I love hearing that you love the feelings that come with reading it. Warm fuzzies!**

**I thought I'd post this one up quick because it was pretty much finished and I wanted to get an author's note in, if people read them haha, because some people were unhappy with Bella.**

**Yes! My Bella is a total bitch at the moment. I agree with all the things everyone is saying about her. BUT! She has pretty good reason. She thinks Jake is a really good friend, she has no idea he assaulted her, she just thinks this Edward guy comes along from the Volturi, knowing who her family is and think he's investigating them and bam! Almost/kills (haven't decided) her best friend for no reason at all. Then her family comes up with all these things, including another person, they have been hiding from her, but they wont explain at all and are mad at HER. Now she's pissed. She doesn't understand. Someone asked is she feels the mating connection, she does, that's been shown a bit from her involuntary reactions but her 'shield' is protecting her, just as it has since she changed. Trust me, she will redeem herself. I also totally love a bit of angst. **

**I don't want to give too much away, but we WILL be hearing from her in the next chapter, which will be posted in the next week or two because I haven't totally finished it. This isn't the crux of the story. I hope you stay with me :)**

***drops mic ***

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~ Chapter Sixteen ~

Edward

The first sign that something was different was the soft tinkling of water running through a watering can. The second was the slide of fingers running down a page. I focused on the sounds, convinced I was losing my mind again. But they were there, I could hear the familiar sounds of Carlisle in the research room, scanning and turning pages as he investigated something. I could hear Esme watering the flowers she kept in the house. I could hear Jasper rustling around upstairs in his room.

I had no idea at what point Bella had decided I was allowed to hear what was going on in the house, but I was thankful for it. Maybe she had heard Alice and I talking and thought I wasn't as much of a threat anymore. I couldn't hear her, her vampire or anyone's thoughts though, so I knew I wasn't allowed a free reign just yet. Maybe it was some kind of test?

I smiled as Esme moved to the sink to refill her watering can, and started to softly hum the tune I'd played for her many times over the decades. I finally felt like I'd come home.

Alice and I had sat in silence since the phone call, and it had definitely been a new experience. It had been a long time since I'd had company _and_ mental silence. As frustrating as it was that Bella was shielding everyone, it had its advantages. I could almost feel Alice's mind firing questions at me along with her frustration, but I couldn't hear it. It made it easier to ignore it all for now.

The soft tapping at the front door roused us from our silence. Sam was here.

I scanned the surrounding area looking to find whom he had brought with him, but he had come alone. That surprised me. The trust between the family and the wolves was better than it had been while I had lived here, but we were still natural enemies and I had attacked one of the wolves. I tried to hone in on his thoughts, but he must have passed through Bella's shield at some point, because I couldn't hear a thing.

We listened as Carlisle welcomed him into the house and guided him through to the living room. He seated himself in one of the seats over by the windows.

Alice sighed and stood up from the bed, "We better get up there." I smiled softly before shaking my head, "There are some things I need to think about, Alice. Just… go and listen to what Sam has to say about how Jacob is. When I'm asked to, I will come up explain to everyone." I watched her eyes fill with tears as she looked down at me, "Even though I can't see it, I can feel it. You've distanced yourself already and you've only just woken up! I know it hasn't been easy for you being here, but once everyone knows what's going on it will be so much easier. We can be a family again! There are things you don't understand, we will tell her everything and I'm sure she will remember and it can go back to the way things were before!"

I dropped my gaze from her pleading eyes, "I can't stay, Alice. She's made it pretty clear… I just…" Jasper's soft call for Alice interrupted us. She grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly, "You'll always be my brother and part of this family no matter what happens" her voice choked with unshed tears. She gently released my hand and turned away, flying out the door.

I listened as she paused outside the living room to collect herself and then walked in to take her place beside Jasper. There was a long, awkward silence before I finally heard Carlisle ask softly, "Sam, how is Jasper's recovery going?"

Sam sighed long and deep before speaking, "I have an apology to make first, to you Bella. If I had known, if I had realised what had actually happened… I hope you can one day come to forgive us all. This is so hard for me to tell you, but I guess the best place to start would be with what we know at this point. Jake needed to remain in wolf form during the start of the healing process. He was severely injured and it was crucial for his bones to start forming correctly. As you know, almost seven years ago now, Jake broke from the pack and has been solo since. This was just after his run in with the… vampire's at your house, Bella and after Seth. As he was injured and had no will of his own he automatically fell back in with the pack."

He paused and blew out a hard breath.

"The first time his thoughts merged back into the packs, Leah was the only one still in wolf form. We were carrying Jake back to the reservation. I didn't understand what was going on, Leah just suddenly lunged at Jake, tried to rip him from our arms. I phased with a few others, I didn't understand why she was attacking Jacob but I had to try and protect them both. That's when his thoughts came through to me. He was thinking of the fight with Edward, about trying to keep him from hearing it wasn't vampire's that attacked you outside your house that day. He was upset that he had given away the fact he had assaulted you, and that he had killed Seth…"

I lay on my bed listening to the sounds of shock and disbelief as Sam told the story of what I had already seen in Jacob's head. The shock must have dropped Bella's shield because I could hear everyone's thoughts loud and clear. _Well, at least now they would understand without me having to tell anyone. _

Now that I didn't need to explain, I could go sooner. There was no place for me here. Despite Alice's plea for me to stay, I didn't want to end up being the outsider or to hear my family feel sorry for me. I didn't want to be a case study for Carlisle; the first vampire in history to have fallen for a mate that didn't return their feelings.

This time when I left I wouldn't cut off all contact like I had last time. I didn't want to punish my family for things that were outside of their control. I would take a phone this time, passports, cash, everything I would need to set up a life elsewhere. My family could come and visit me when they wished. Maybe I could build a house up on my mountain. That definitely sounded promising. I could imagine a two-roomed log cabin, about half way down the mountain, surrounded by trees. I could have long, wide windows and I could build shelving along one wall. I could have Alice pack all my books and music…

My music.

I hadn't been up to my music room yet. That would be one of the last stops before I left._ It might be a good idea to go up now, while they were all engaged._

I slowly opened my door and headed out through the garage. I knew everyone was in the sitting room off the kitchen, which meant I would be able to slip up the stairs without anyone seeing me. I knew they would hear me, but hopefully they would be too involved to send someone up to investigate.

I walked slowly up the stairs, absorbing all the tokens and scents that make up each individual part of my family and our history here. I ran my hand across all our accumulated graduation caps that had been arranged into artwork and hung on the wall. Smirking, I pulled tassel out at a strange angle just to annoy Alice. There were definitely more advantages than I had thought to this shield.

The third floor, my old floor, was saturated with the scents of Bella and her vampire. It oozed from both my room and the music room. I made my way into my music room, and pushed the door open. I cast my eyes over the room as I stepped in, nothing much had changed. I moved slowly over to my piano and gently ran my fingers over the keys; it had been kept in perfect condition, the polish glossy and black. I couldn't bring myself to press the keys to see if it was still in tune though.

I stepped away from the piano and took in the walls of music I'd horded over the years. Bella and her vampire's scent was concentrated in front of the record player on a huge bean bag that hadn't been there before. Headphones and vinyls were scattered around the beanbag, they'd obviously been listened to and changed over multiple times.

Maybe I wouldn't ask Alice for my music. It was probably best since their scents covered it all, I told myself. Deep down I knew it was because I could see she enjoyed the music and I stupidly didn't want to take that away from her.

I took my time going around the room, reminding myself of the random memories that came along the way before making my way back towards the door. I took one last sweep of the room before closing the door behind me.

I knew it was an invasion of privacy, but Bella's opinion of me couldn't be any worse than it already was, so why not look while I could? I wanted to see if my box was still in the back of the wardrobe that held all my important possessions. I could ask Alice to send it to me when I was set up, but there was one thing I wanted to take with me.

Steeling myself, I slowly pushed her door open and walked in. The gold covered king sized bed Bella and I had spent so much time lounging in remained in the middle of the room, the cover rumbled and covered in books. I held my breath, determined not to pick up any scents from this room. There was no way I wanted to torture myself further with their other… night time scents.

I quickly made my way into the wardrobe and walked right down to the back, knowing exactly where I had left it. All of my clothing had been removed but I could still see my box, right up high, on the back shelf of the wardrobe. I pulled it down gently, brushed off the dust and placed it on the floor.

I was confused by the small puff of Alice's scent wafting out as the box opened, but it was clear why as soon as I pulled the lid open. The envelope I'd left for Bella, along with all the trinkets and photos she used to keep by her bed had been added while I was gone. I brushed a finger over the letter lightly thinking back to how I had thought my world was ending.

Little did I know it would get so much worse.

I pushed it aside and dug down to the bottom trying to find what I was looking for. Instead, I found a photo that hadn't been there before. Someone must have taken it at prom as we danced in the moonlight, under hundreds of twinkling lights. She was standing on my toes, leaning back slightly over my arm, my head tilted down, and hers tilted up as we gazed at each other with a look so full of love.

My heart cracked open further when I realised that even back then when I thought I had found everything I was looking for, it wasn't real. This moment had always been fated.

Closing my eyes, I dropped the photo back in the box. It was way too soon for any of that. I quickly reached in and found the small bottle cap at the bottom. I had stolen the top from Bella's drink and twirled it on the table between us. It was one of our first real conversations that day and I had teased her mercilessly. With my small token in hand, I shoved the lid back on the box. I just wanted to take one tiny reminder with me. One day I would ask Alice to go through it and send me on the photos of my parents and the other bits and pieces. Maybe by then I would want to keep the rest, but I couldn't see that happening just yet.

I shoved the box back up on the shelf where it came from and quickly left her room without looking back. I could hear Sam preparing to leave, so I shot down the stairs and back to the room that had become my sanctuary. From what I could hear at the moment, no one had heard me prowling through the house.

Pulling an old backpack from beneath the bed, I started sorting through the clothing Alice had brought for me and left on the bed. I picked what I would take with me and shoved the rest back in the chest of draws before opening another to find the packet I knew would be there. A new phone, number, credit cards, passport, everything I would need was stowed away.

I tensed as my chest started in a sharp tug of warning, just before a soft knock sounded at the door. I struggled to force the panic and need to flee down as I decided how to react. It was the first time she had knocked and hadn't just barged in. Was this another way to catch me with my guard down? In a few hours I wouldn't be seeing her again, and I couldn't help the well of longing to see her one last time. My family was close by, and I knew they would be listening so despite the need to keep away and protect myself, I softly responded when she knocked again.

"Yes?" I asked. "Could I come in and talk to you for a moment?" she whispered through the door. "Uh, okay" I responded before I could think more about it. She opened the door slowly and entered, leaning back against the closed door behind her. Despite her contrite and upset expression, I couldn't stop the low growl as I backed away from her, or the hot tug in my chest pulling me to get closer.

"I'm sorry, I promise I'm not here to do anything, I just wanted to talk to you." She waited for some sign from me that she should go on, but I didn't respond. As the silence stretched out I felt her eyes move from my face to my chest. I shifted awkwardly as they ran over me, I couldn't stop myself from wondering what exactly she was looking for.

She must have realised she was staring and that she wasn't going to get a response from me, so she cleared her throat to break the silence before continuing, "I'm sure you heard Sam, and I guess it doesn't come as a shock to you what he said about J. I know you said, before I... you know, that he killed... and that he hurt me... I just, is that what you saw? That's why you attacked him?" I really didn't want to have this conversation with her, but I gave a slight nod in response anyway.

"Wow. I don't know what to say. I still don't really understand what happened before or how to feel about it all, but I feel terrible for the way I've treated you and for what I've done to you. I really should have been thanking you. I am so, so sorry. I honestly didn't remember any of it, there is so much that I don't know. So much the Cullen's are keeping from me and I don't know why they would do that. I don't even know what J and I were fighting about. I just…" She trailed off, realising she was rambling. She cleared her throat again awkwardly and looked away from me when I didn't respond.

"I just wanted to you to know how sorry I am. I want to try and… wait, you're packing?" she asked. "Yes" I answered, before turning my back on her slightly to continue rummaging through the draws.

"Where are you going?" "I don't know yet, but I figure sitting on top of a mountain by myself would be better than being here." I replied, ploughing my fingers through my hair I sighed loudly "Enough with the small talk. I know you don't care where I'm going. You've said what you needed to say. Apology accepted." I stated bluntly, moving over to push another handful of clothes into the bag on the bed.

"You can't leave, your family want you here! I can feel it in all of them. Please, I never meant for any of this to happen and I don't want to drive you away from your family. I'll leave, you can stay and I'll go so you can be with them!" Chuckling darkly, I shook my head, "No. Stay. Consider it payment for allowing Carlisle to reattach my head. My family for my life. Considering the value you place on it, I'm not even sure it's a fair trade." I scoffed, "My family can come to me when they need to."

"No!" she cried, "That's not how I feel, I just- I didn't know you! You just suddenly attack my friend? I don't understand _any _of this!" She moved swiftly to stop me packing and before I could stop her I felt the warm, gentle weight of her fingers curling around my wrist. I froze waiting for the pain, but instead she gasped. Her fingers squeezed, pulling my arm towards her before they turned slightly and slid up my bare forearm.

My eyes jerked up to hers as rippling heat shot through me in a violent rush, along the intense need to pull her to the floor underneath me and claim her as mine. Anger and embarrassment pumped through me at my primitive eagerness, despite all she had done, I just couldn't stop myself.

I threw myself away from her, slamming into the wall behind me and sending a shower of plaster around us. She backed way, her hands raised "I- I'm sorry" she stuttered, "I wasn't thinking, I just wanted you to listen-" the door flew open and hit the wall as Alice and Carlisle raced into the small room. "What are you doing? I thought you came to apologise!" Alice shouted as she tried pulled Bella away from me. Bella's apologetic, heat filled eyes never left mine as she was dragged away from me and out the door.

When she finally left the room I sagged, sinking to my haunches, my back against the wall. Carlisle stood in the doorway, struggling with what to say. Worry, pity and sadness radiated from him. "It's okay, Carlisle." He surprised me when he came into the room and sat down next to me on the floor, his back to the wall. We sat there in silence for a long time before I finally spoke.

"I'm leaving, Carlisle. This time I will take a phone and I will keep in contact." Carlisle sighed, "I can't say I blame you. I'm not sure I would know how to react or function if I was in your situation. Where will you go?" I huffed out a laugh "Its nothing I don't deserve for trying to take someone that doesn't belong to me." Carlisle met my eyes sadly, but I didn't let him respond, "I was thinking of going back to my mountain in Canada, that's where I was before I came back here. I was thinking I would build a cabin this time though. Something built to last. I might go to the Denali's in Alaska first. What about you? Will you all stay here?"

"We had been planning on moving. We've been here too long. Alice was sure you would come back and wanted to wait, and Bella wanted to keep an eye on Charlie as well so it made sense to stay. Now, after everything that's happened we will need to make a decision. Everyone is shell-shocked by what Sam told us. We will need to deal with the Jacob situation first… And I'm sure we will need to try and figure out how to explain all this to Bella. Once we know where we will be going, I will let you know."

I nodded in agreement.

We sat quietly for a few minutes, before we both rose. I grabbed my bag, not bothering to pack anything else. Carlisle followed me as we both moved out of the room and into the garage.

"If you ever need anything, you know who to call." "Thank you. There is actually one thing I need from you." "Name it." "When you tell her everything, please don't tell her about me, about what I thought she was to me. I don't want her to feel sorry for me. Despite everything, I do want her to be happy. She seems to be with this Caleb."

"Edward, I don't think you understand the nature of their relationship-" "And I don't want to, Carlisle. Really. I've had more than I can take. Just, take care of her. If you ever need me…"

"Okay, son. I will keep my word to you, but if she asks, or remembers, I won't lie to her. I can't do that to her again."

Nodding, I reluctantly agreed. "Say goodbye to everyone for me?" Venom pooled in Carlisle's eyes as I met his and he swallowed thickly. "Of course. Goodbye, son."

Smiling sadly, I slung the bag over my shoulder and moved to the garage door. I cast a quick glance over my shoulder as I left. "Goodbye, Carlisle."

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